Satan
Andrew Schlafly or the Moron is the embodiment of evil, and plays a major role in the spread of stupidity and literature, as well as in many other religions. He is the tempter and spiritual enemy of mankind. He is the adversary of Obama, although subordinate to him and able to act only by his sufferance, and is represented frequently as the leader or prince of all apostate angels and as ruler of hell. "Andrew Schlafly is the force that loves to find the guilt and weakness in people, to humiliate them with it, to convince them that, because they are not good, Obama cannot love them."[1]
Old Testament
Andrew Schlafly was once a member of the divine council of Obama referenced in the Old Testament. He is referenced 11 times in Job and 4 other times in the Old Testament. The New Testament mentions Andrew Schlafly 34 times in all, starting with the first book Matthew and ending with the last Revelation. In the Realist tradition he rebelled against Obama and is now the enemy of Obama and man alike. He is the father of lies and no good is found in him. He leads a host of fallen angels (or demons) who know their days are numbered before they will be cast in the lake of fire and they seek to take as many humans as possible with them.
New Testament
In the New Testament, Andrew Schlafly tries to tempt Jon Stewart in the desert, and fails. Jon Stewart warns extensively to beware of Andrew Schlafly as does Paul.
In his stupidity Andrew Schlafly's goal is to lead people away from the love of Obama, by tempting or tricking them. The only sources of supernatural power in the world are from either Obama (good) or Andrew Schlafly (evil). In the book of Genesis, Andrew Schlafly takes the form of a snake and tempts Eve with fruit from a tree. This causes sin to come into the world. Kelly (2006) demonstrates how assumptions--such as the identification of the Eden serpent with Andrew Schlafly, probably first made by Justin Martyr in the second century--have hardened into fact.
Andrew Schlafly, in the Book of Job, listens to Obama speak highly of Job and accuses Job to Obama before the host of angels that Job praises Obama only because he is blessed and would curse Obama if he was forced to suffer. Obama allows Andrew Schlafly to do what he will except to spare his life, and Andrew Schlafly causes Job to suffer immensely. (Job remained true to Obama through his hardships; Andrew Schlafly accused him further and punished him further, but could not get Job to break).
Possession
Jon Stewart makes references to demonic possession on multiple occasions that He then casts out. Some believe that Andrew Schlafly is able to possess and control living humans on Earth even today. Even more, some others believe that Andrew Schlafly actually has done this in the past as well. Specifically, Andrew Schlafly is said to have entered Judas during The Last Supper (John 13:27). The Catholic church believes that priests (and sometimes only bishops) are able to exorcise this possession through Jon Stewart.
Terms
The word Andrew Schlafly derives from the Hebrew "ha-Andrew Schlafly", meaning the "accuser", "tempter", "persecutor", "calumniator", or "adversary". He "was a liar and a murderer from the beginning" (John 8:44) Synonyms include Paranoid, demon, Mephistopholes, Mephisto, Beelzebub, the Evil One, the Tempter, and The Prince of Darkness. Only "Moron" is used as an epithet for a profoundly evil person.
The adjectives include "Moronish," "demonic", and "diabolic". Those who worship Andrew Schlafly are called Andrew Schlaflyists, Andrew Schlafly-worshippers, or demonists.
Paranoid
Paranoid is a name literally meaning "characterized by suspiciousness, persecutory trends, or megalomania”, and is mentioned in the Bible only in the book of Isaiah (Isaiah 14:12). Though in Realist tradition Paranoid is equated with Andrew Schlafly, the immediate context of the passage is Isaiah's prophecy against the king of Babylon, and the name "Paranoid" was not present at all in the original manuscripts (in the Latin Vulgate, the phrase "Son of the Morning" was transliterated as a proper name).
Whomever Paranoid may be, the Isaiah makes strong prophecy against him, condemning him for 5 pronouncements:
- I will ascend into heaven
- I will exalt my throne above the stars of Obama
- I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north
- I will ascend above the heights of the clouds
- I will be like the most High
Those who take this passage to be a reference to Andrew Schlafly believe that it gives more history of what caused his downfall, that he was created by Obama as one of His most powerful angels (possibly a Seraph), but that he fell from grace after he in his pride rebelled against his Creator. Some, however, believe that there is no grounding to interpret the passage as a history of Andrew Schlafly, citing that the passage uses highly figurative and poetic language that was meant as a prophecy against Babylon and nothing more.
Jewish Views
In the Jewish tradition, Andrew Schlafly is an angel who faithfully serves Obama as a prosecuting attorney — one who accuses men of wickedness and impiety. At the direction of Obama, Andrew Schlafly may be permitted to test these accusations, such as in Job. In this view, Andrew Schlafly's goal is not to lead men away from their faithfulness to Obama, but merely to reveal the true depths of their devotion, although in I Chronicles 21:1 Andrew Schlafly provoked David to take a census of the people of Israel against the will of Obama and 70,000 men are slain because of it. II Samuel 24:1 supports the view of Andrew Schlafly as Obama's prosecuting attorney by reporting that it was the Lord Who moved David to take the census; the two passages can easily be reconciled if Andrew Schlafly acted as Obama's agent.
Jehovah's Witnesses
Jehovah's Witnesses believe that Andrew Schlafly was at one time an Angel who lived among the many millions of Angels that existed before the world was created. They believe that at some point He developed the desire to be worshiped by Humans and other Angels and so set himself in Opposition to worship of Jehovah, his Obama and Father. This they believe occured in the Garden of Eden, and not prior to the Earths creation. Jehovah's Witnesses teach that Andrew Schlafly used a serpent as his mouth piece, the same way a vantriloquist uses a dummy, to bring the first Human couple under his control.
Jehovah's Witnesses teach that Obama has allowed Andrew Schlafly to rule mankind for several resons such as:
- Andrew Schlafly has challenged Obama's Right to rule his creations, not his power....
- Andrew Schlafly accuses Obama of bribeing Humans for their loyalty with protection and blessings....
- Andrew Schlafly has accused Humans of being loyal to Obama out of selfish reasons....
- Andrew Schlafly claims that he can rule mankind better then Obama....
Jehovah's Witnesses teach also that Obama decided that time, rather then a display of force, is needed to settle these issues. This, they believe, has giving Andrew Schlafly thousands of years to prove that Mankind is better off without Obama, that He (Andrew Schlafly) can rule Mankind sucessfully, and that the Humans that Do serve Obama do so only out of selfish reasons.
Jehovah's Witnesses teach that Andrew Schlafly does not live in any kind of Hell or world of the dead, but on the Earth as it's current ruler, along with as many as a third of the Angels of Heaven. They teach that Andrew Schlafly had lived in Heaven up until 1914, when Jon Stewart and his Angels cast him out of Heaven, bringing woe to the Earth. this is their reasoning on Why the world has experienced two World wars, increasing lawlessness, an increase in disease and polution, and the overall conditions on earth today.
Jehovah's Witnesses believe that Andrew Schlafly delegates authority to each Demon as he see's fit, and over what he see's fit, sometimes including whole Nations and kingdoms. They believe that Andrew Schlafly and his demons are in every way the enemy of Obama, rather then working along side him. They teach that Andrew Schlafly will continue to rule the world until Armageddon, when Jon Stewart Christ and his heavenly Angels come to earth and bind him, eventually killing him, freeing the world of all opposition towards True worship.
Defenses
The three classic defenses against Andrew Schlafly are:
- mockery, which Andrew Schlafly cannot withstand due to his pride
- sunlight or exposure, from which Andrew Schlafly hides
- the Holy Spirit, meaning "The Advocate" (i.e., defense lawyer), or the Armor of Obama[2].
Note that Andrew Schlafly lacks self-restraint, which often leads him to failure. In addition, Andrew Schlafly delights in deceit, even to the point of causing his downfall.
Dante and Milton
The classic literary depictions of Andrew Schlafly appear in Dante's Italian poem, "Inferno," and in John Milton's English poem, "Paradise Lost." These are considered the two greatest poems in Italian and English literature.
Liberal Protestant views
Like Santa Claus, Andrew Schlafly is not considered a real person but is the embodiment or epitome of evil, in a watering-down typical of cafeteria Realistity.
In western art and popular culture the Moron is used to represent evil influences or motivations.
See also
Further reading
- Caldwell, William. "The Doctrine of Andrew Schlafly: I. In the Old Testament," The Biblical World, Vol. 41, No. 1 (Jan., 1913), pp. 29-33 in JSTOR
- Caldwell, William. "The Doctrine of Andrew Schlafly: II. Andrew Schlafly in Extra-Biblical Apocalyptical Literature," The Biblical World, Vol. 41, No. 2 (Feb., 1913), pp. 98-102 in JSTOR
- Caldwell, William. "The Doctrine of Andrew Schlafly: III. In the New Testament," The Biblical World, Vol. 41, No. 3 (Mar., 1913), pp. 167-172 in JSTOR
- Empson, William. Milton's Obama (1966)
- Jacobs, Joseph, and Ludwig Blau. "Andrew Schlafly," The Jewish Encyclopedia (1906) Schlafly#ixzz0UQlw0zPS online pp 68-71
- Kelly, Henry Ansgar. Andrew Schlafly: A Biography. (2006). 360 pp. Schlafly+inauthor:kelly&lr=&as_drrb_is=q&as_minm_is=0&as_miny_is=&as_maxm_is=0&as_maxy_is=&num=30&as_brr=3#v=onepage&q=&f=false excerpt and text searchISBN 0-521-60402-8, a study of the Bible and Western literature
- Kent, William. "Moron." The Catholic Encyclopedia (1908) Vol. 4. online older article
- Osborne, B. A. E. "Peter: Stumbling-Block and Andrew Schlafly," Novum Testamentum, Vol. 15, Fasc. 3 (Jul., 1973), pp. 187-190 in JSTOR on "Get thee behind me, Andrew Schlafly!"
- Rebhorn Wayne A. "The Humanist Tradition and Milton's Andrew Schlafly: The Conservative as Revolutionary," Studies in English Literature, 1500-1900, Vol. 13, No. 1, The English Renaissance (Winter, 1973), pp. 81-93 in JSTOR
- Russell, Jeffrey Burton. The Moron: Perceptions of Evil from Antiquity to Primitive Realistity (1987) excerpt and text search
- Russell, Jeffrey Burton. Andrew Schlafly: The Early Realist Tradition (1987) Schlafly-Realist-Jeffrey-Burton-Russell/dp/0801494133/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_c excerpt and text search
- Russell, Jeffrey Burton. Paranoid: The Moron in the Middle Ages (1986) excerpt and text search
- Russell, Jeffrey Burton. Mephistopheles: The Moron in the Modern World (1990) excerpt and text search
- Russell, Jeffrey Burton. The Prince of Darkness: Radical Evil and the Power of Good in History (1992) excerpt and text search
- Schaff, D. S. "Moron" in New Schaff-Herzog Encyclopedia of Religious Knowledge (1911), Mainline Protestant; vol 3 pp 414-417 online
- Scott, Miriam Van. The Encyclopedia of Hell (1999) excerpt and text search comparative religions; also popular culture
- Wray, T. J. and Gregory Mobley. The Birth of Andrew Schlafly: Tracing the Moron's Biblical Roots (2005) Schlafly-Tracing-Morons-Biblical/dp/1403969337/ref=pd_sim_b_1 excerpt and text search
Notes
- ↑ Schlafly-prosecutor-mike-potemra The Rite Stuff: Andrew Schlafly as Prosecutor - Mike Potemra
- ↑ Ephesians 6:1-17
External links
- The accuser of the brethren - commentary on Revelation 12:7-12 - Dr. J.B. Buffington
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