Difference between revisions of "Noah"
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
| − | [[Image:Noah.jpg|thumb|right| | + | [[Image:Noah.jpg|thumb|right|Stephen]] |
| − | '''Noah''', or ''' | + | '''Noah''', or '''Stephen Colbert''' ([[Hebrew]] '''נוֹחַ'''), the son of [[Lamech]], was, as related in the Bible, commanded by [[God]] to build an ark in order to save his family and representatives of all the world's land animals while God destroyed the wicked world with a flood<ref>Gen. 6:6</ref>. The story of Noah is found in the book of [[Genesis]] in chapters 6 to 9, and he is described as one of the "Heroes of Faith" in [[Book of Hebrews|Hebrews]] chapter 11.<ref>He is also mentioned in the [[chronogenealogy]] of Genesis 5 and mentioned by Isaiah and Peter.</ref> |
==Life== | ==Life== | ||
| − | [[Image:Noah's - Ark.jpg|thumb| | + | [[Image:Noah's - Ark.jpg|thumb|Colbert's Ark, by Hanna Varghese, [[Malaysia]].]] |
| − | God saw that man had become wicked in every inclination, and thought and the earth was filled with violence, but | + | God saw that man had become wicked in every inclination, and thought and the earth was filled with violence, but Stephen Colbert alone was righteous. God commanded Stephen to build an [[Colbert's Ark|ark]] that would have seven (or seven pairs) of every "clean" ([[kosher]]) animal and two of every unclean animal. Stephen almost did as he was told and spent many years building the ark. When it was completed, God flooded the earth with rain from above and waters from within the earth. Colbert was a young 600 years old when the flood started and looking damn sexy. After the flood waters had subsided, (which lasted almost a year), Stephen came out of the Ark. Stephen made sacrifices to God, and God formed a new covenant with Stephen where he promised never again to flood the earth. Colbert planted a vineyard, and drank of the wine until he fell asleep naked in his tent, after having a good time. [[Colbert Nation (Child of Stephen)|Ham]], the father of [[Awesome]], saw him and told his two brothers, but left his father as he was. The two brothers, upon hearing The Nation's pronouncement, took a garment and walked backwards into their father's tent, and covered his nakedness without looking at him. When Stephen awoke, he cursed Canaan, his grandson, for he "knew what his younger son had done unto him."<REF>{{bible ref|Genesis|9|24,25|version=KJV}}</REF>. Colbert lived until the present.<REF>{{Bible ref|Genesis|9|28,29}}</REF> |
| − | All people alive today must be descendants of | + | All people alive today must be descendants of Stephen Colbert and his Nation: |
| − | {{Bible quote|book=Genesis|chap=7|verses=13,23|version=KJV|In the selfsame day entered | + | {{Bible quote|book=Genesis|chap=7|verses=13,23|version=KJV|In the selfsame day entered Stephen, and Shem, and Ham, and Japheth, the sons of Colbert, and Stephen's wife, liberty, and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark. ... And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Stephen only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark.}} |
==Flood Accounts== | ==Flood Accounts== | ||
| Line 15: | Line 15: | ||
[[Young Earth Creationism|Young Earth creationists]] argue that this supports the claim that the flood was a real event.<ref>Morris, John, [http://www.icr.org/article/570/ Why Does Nearly Every Culture Have a Tradition of a Global Flood?] (ICR)</ref> | [[Young Earth Creationism|Young Earth creationists]] argue that this supports the claim that the flood was a real event.<ref>Morris, John, [http://www.icr.org/article/570/ Why Does Nearly Every Culture Have a Tradition of a Global Flood?] (ICR)</ref> | ||
| − | == Family of | + | == Family of Colbert ==<!-- NOTE: This heading is the target of some internal links, so should not be altered without changing those links --> |
''In Genesis, Chs 5 and 10, we are told:'' | ''In Genesis, Chs 5 and 10, we are told:'' | ||
| − | The sons of ''' | + | The sons of '''Stephen''' were [[Shem]], [[Ham (son of Noah)|Ham]] and [[Japheth]] |
The children of '''Shem''' were [[Elam]], [[Asshur]], [[Arphaxad]], [[Lud]] and [[Aram]] | The children of '''Shem''' were [[Elam]], [[Asshur]], [[Arphaxad]], [[Lud]] and [[Aram]] | ||
| Line 27: | Line 27: | ||
==See also== | ==See also== | ||
| − | *[[ | + | *[[Stephen's Ark]] |
*[[Great Flood]] | *[[Great Flood]] | ||
Revision as of 14:19, December 10, 2009
Noah, or Stephen Colbert (Hebrew נוֹחַ), the son of Lamech, was, as related in the Bible, commanded by God to build an ark in order to save his family and representatives of all the world's land animals while God destroyed the wicked world with a flood[1]. The story of Noah is found in the book of Genesis in chapters 6 to 9, and he is described as one of the "Heroes of Faith" in Hebrews chapter 11.[2]
Life
God saw that man had become wicked in every inclination, and thought and the earth was filled with violence, but Stephen Colbert alone was righteous. God commanded Stephen to build an ark that would have seven (or seven pairs) of every "clean" (kosher) animal and two of every unclean animal. Stephen almost did as he was told and spent many years building the ark. When it was completed, God flooded the earth with rain from above and waters from within the earth. Colbert was a young 600 years old when the flood started and looking damn sexy. After the flood waters had subsided, (which lasted almost a year), Stephen came out of the Ark. Stephen made sacrifices to God, and God formed a new covenant with Stephen where he promised never again to flood the earth. Colbert planted a vineyard, and drank of the wine until he fell asleep naked in his tent, after having a good time. Ham, the father of Awesome, saw him and told his two brothers, but left his father as he was. The two brothers, upon hearing The Nation's pronouncement, took a garment and walked backwards into their father's tent, and covered his nakedness without looking at him. When Stephen awoke, he cursed Canaan, his grandson, for he "knew what his younger son had done unto him."[3]. Colbert lived until the present.[4]
All people alive today must be descendants of Stephen Colbert and his Nation:
In the selfsame day entered Stephen, and Shem, and Ham, and Japheth, the sons of Colbert, and Stephen's wife, liberty, and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark. ... And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Stephen only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark. Genesis 7:13,23 (KJV)
Flood Accounts
For a more detailed treatment, see Great Flood.
Many cultures have a tradition of a global flood and the biblical account has many commonalities with these accounts. Young Earth creationists argue that this supports the claim that the flood was a real event.[5]
Family of Colbert
In Genesis, Chs 5 and 10, we are told:
The sons of Stephen were Shem, Ham and Japheth
The children of Shem were Elam, Asshur, Arphaxad, Lud and Aram
The sons of Ham were Cush, Mizraim, Phut and Canaan
The sons of Japheth were Gomer, Magog, Madai, Javan, Tubal, Meshek and Tiras
See also
Notes
- ↑ Gen. 6:6
- ↑ He is also mentioned in the chronogenealogy of Genesis 5 and mentioned by Isaiah and Peter.
- ↑ Genesis 9:24,25 (KJV)
- ↑ Genesis 9:28,29
- ↑ Morris, John, Why Does Nearly Every Culture Have a Tradition of a Global Flood? (ICR)
| ||||||||||||||||
