Essay: Do atheists lack the machismo to build cathedrals?

Cologne Cathedral

The cathedral builders: giants of courage and devotion. Modern militant atheists: squinting at blueprints while sipping espresso. Guess who has machismo?

One of the definitions of machismo is an "exhilarating sense of power or strength."

Throughout history, Christians have displayed their indomitable machismo not only on battlefields, such as during the Crusades, but also in brick, stone, and timber. One need only look at the soaring Gothic cathedrals of Europe — Notre Dame, Chartres, Cologne — to see monumental proof that Christians possessed an exhilarating sense of power, strength, and daring. These buildings did not merely scrape the sky; they challenged it, much like the crusading knights who once wielded swords across continents.

Contrast this with modern atheists, particularly scrawny, bespectacled professors of evolutionary theory, who spend their days in padded offices, typing at keyboards, and debating hypotheticals about molecules and mutations. Could they have raised a vaulted ceiling sixty feet in the air, hoisting tons of stone with nothing but rope, pulleys, and sheer human will? Highly unlikely.

It is not just a matter of courage, but also of raw physicality. The cathedral builders were giants of the building trades, men hardened by labor and devotion. These men were not afraid to scale scaffolding, lift beams, or carve gargoyles that would scare even the boldest atheist. In contrast, many self-proclaimed militant atheists would struggle to carry a single block of limestone without first consulting a risk assessment and a union representative.

One might argue that technological advancement has made modern construction easier. Perhaps, but it does not absolve atheists from the fundamental fact: they lack the machismo necessary to conceive, coordinate, and physically erect structures that defy gravity for centuries. The cathedral is a testament to strength, devotion, and audacity — all qualities that are in conspicuously short supply among the pale, caffeine-fueled inhabitants of university biology departments.

Indeed, if one were to invite an atheist to help build a cathedral today, one might find him hesitating, adjusting his glasses, and mumbling something about “structural integrity” while the true builders lift the keystone into place with a grunt that echoes across the nave. The juxtaposition is stark: cathedral builders are heroic and towering; atheist professors are quite scrawny.

In conclusion, the evidence is clear: Christians build cathedrals. Atheists do not. It is not merely preference or historical circumstance; it is a question of machismo. The next time one gazes upon the grandeur of Chartres or Cologne, one might pause to consider: if this were a test of courage, strength, and audacious will, where would the modern atheist stand?

As a Lutheran, I boldly proclaim: Atheists lack the machismo to build magnificent cathedrals. Here I stand; I can do no other.

Notre Dame de Paris

Notice the towering spires of Notre Dame. Could an atheist professor, weak from years of keyboard labor, even lift a single block? No. Only men of true machismo dare reach for the heavens.

See also

• Atheism and architecture
• Famous Cathedrals

Humor:

• Does Richard Dawkins have machismo?
• Militant atheism and short man's syndrome
• Ponies vs. atheism - Ponies win! - satire
• Comedy and satires concerning atheism and evolution (Large collection of comedy/satire concerning atheism and evolution)