Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent (b. 12/13/1948) is a conservative musician, originally from Detroit, Michigan, but currently rocking faces in Waco, Texas. He has recorded 30 albums that have sold over 35 million copies worldwide. He has published several books, including a cookbook he co-authored with his wife, Shermane. Nugent is an avid hunter and is often criticized by liberal wiener animal rights protesters who have foolishly prioritized the lives of animals over meaty deliciousness. These people are idiots. Nugent is also a staunch conservationist, believing in maintaining healthy biodiversity. Through his efforts, he is able to maintain the constant flow of a diverse variety of tasty, freshly killed animals onto his grill. He has repeatedly stated his intent to make his middle finger larger and set it on fire. Fvck the fvck yes. I mean, fvck. He is involved in many charitable programs, such as being a friend of George W. Bush.

You can pry Nugent's numerous guns from his cold, dead hands: he is on the Board of Directors of the National Rifle Association. He supports the fvck out of the American military and the Republican Party. Nugent believes that homosexuality is morally wrong and has also spoken out against using recreational drugs, smoking, and drinking alcoholic beverages.