Difference between revisions of "Bob Dole"

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(New page: Bob Dole, born July 22nd, 1923, was a US Congressman from Kansas and a presidential candidate in the 1996 US elections. Recently, Bob Dole has been captured by a ic collegiate southern boy...)
 
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Bob Dole, born July 22nd, 1923, was a US Congressman from Kansas and a presidential candidate in the 1996 US elections. Recently, Bob Dole has been captured by a ic collegiate southern boy who has cloned Bob Dole's exact proportions and hidden demeanors and agendas in a devastating robot who nearly killed one third of the entire human population. This event led to what was known is "The Dole Wars."
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{{Officeholder
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|name=Bob Dole
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|image=786980.jpg
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|party=[[Republican]]
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|spouse=Phyllis Holden (div.)<br>[[Elizabeth Dole]]
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|religion=[[Methodist]]<ref>[https://starsinformer.com/bob-dole/ https://starsinformer.com/bob-dole/]</ref>
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|offices=
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{{Officeholder/misc
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|office=[[Senate Majority Leader]]
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|terms=January 3, 1995 – June 11, 1996
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|preceded=[[Frank Carlson]]
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|former=y
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|succeeded=[[Trent Lott]]
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}}
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{{Officeholder/senator
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|state=Kansas
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|terms=January 3, 1969 – June 11, 1996
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|preceded=Frank Carlson
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|status=f
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|succeeded=Sheila Frahm
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}}
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{{Officeholder/state representative
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|state=Kansas
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|district=81st
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|terms=January 9, 1951 – January 13, 1953
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|preceded=Elmo J. Mahoney
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|former=y
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|succeeded=R. C. Williams
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}}
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|military=y
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|allegiance=[[United States]]
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|rank=Honorary Colonel
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|unit=[[10th Mountain Division]]
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|branch=[[United States Army]]
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|serviceyears=1942–1948
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|battles=[[World War II]]
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|awards=Bronze Star Medal<br>Two Purple Hearts
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}}
  
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'''Robert Joseph “Bob” Dole''' (July 22, 1923 – December 5, 2021)<ref>Vakil, Caroline (December 5, 2021). [https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/584402-former-sen-bob-dole-dies-at-98 Former Sen. Bob Dole dies at 98]. ''The Hill''. Retrieved December 5, 2021.</ref> was a United States Senator from [[Kansas]] from 1969 to 1996 and the [[Republican Party|Republican]] presidential candidate in the 1996 US election, as well as the running mate of [[Gerald Ford]] in the 1976 election.
  
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== The Beginning of the End ==
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Dole was the [[majority leader]] of the [[United States Senate]] from 1985–1987 and again from 1995 to 1996, when he resigned from his Senate seat to focus on his then-presidential campaign. He was defeated by incumbent president [[Bill Clinton]]. Dole also served as the [[Minority Leader]] from 198 to 1995.
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After his landslide defeat in the 1996 Presidential Election, US Senator Bob Dole was heartbroken. He felt for sure that his rampant third-person perspective on everything would convince America that he had what it took. So heartbroken was he, that he neglected to notice a collegiate southern boy sneak behind him with a fishing net. Captured by the boy, Bob Dole was helpless, and dragged off into a back alley.
 
  
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Strapped to a chair, Bob Dole had his exact proportions and brain patterns copied from his body and put into the shape of a robot. Amazed at his replica, Dole was soon struck with fear as he realized that his inner desire for male genitalia had been amplified and reversed in the robot clone. With his lust for thrusting his penis surfacing, the Bob Dole Robot broke free of his restraints, and escaped to wreak havoc.
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In February 2021, it was announced he was suffering from stage 4 lung cancer.<ref>https://youtu.be/31IzGZQizdE</ref>
  
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== The Battle of Phalli ==
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==Early life==
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It wasn't long afterwards before the robotic Bob Dole (henceforth referred to as R-Dole) started wreaking havoc. Such havoc was wreaked, that it caught the attention of an unnamed heroine. This diva of light wielded an unusual, yet ironically suitable power: from her loins she could spring forth up to a million and one functional penises.
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Dole grew up in the small town of Russell, Kansas, where he excelled as an athlete in multiple sports. He attended the [[University of Kansas]], where he joined the school's famed basketball team. However, more pressing world matters forced his studies to wait for several years. (The University's famous Center for Politics is now named for Dole, as well as another building on campus.)
  
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The two met on a battlefield near Seattle, Washington. Immediately they engaged in battle, with the Diva of Phalli and R-Dole exchanging blows regularly. The battle raged for weeks, destroying the entirety of Seattle and half of Boise. However, in an unfortunate accident, the Diva of Phalli penetrated a Mormon, causing the penis to catch fire and ultimately spread to each of the heroine's lengthy members, and ultimately to the savior's body itself, killing her. In the conflict, however, Bob Dole was injured, and distracted.
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==Military service==
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In 1942, Dole joined the Army's Enlisted Reserve Corps to fight in [[World War II]]. He became a second lieutenant in the Army's [[10th Mountain Division]]. By April 1945, he was fighting the [[German]]s in the hills of Italy where the action was fast-paced. One of the platoon's radio men was hit. Bob Dole crawled out of his foxhole to help him, but it was too late.  
  
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== The Lurker Appears ==
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Suddenly, while trying to assist the downed radio man, Dole was hit by German machine gun fire in the upper right back destroying his shoulder, and his right arm was so damaged that it was unrecognizable. Dole was immediately given morphine by an Army field medic to alleviate the pain, and his forehead was marked with an "M" in his own blood to alert medics. He was not expected to live.
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Thankfully, all hope was not lost. A hero appeared on the scene, ready to spring into action. Known only as "The Lurker", he was clad in absolute obfuscation. His costume's fabric was made entirely out of Fox News political spin, ensuring complete protection from detection of Liberals, Muslims, and allowing him to blend in perfectly amongst everyone else.
 
  
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The Lurker claimed that he had a plan. He knew of a legendary robot who ran off of "penis power." This robot, he claimed, would be able to survive each and every thrust of R-Dole's poking device, and he postulated that the robot's lust for R-Dole's penis would overpower the maniacal robot, destroying R-Dole once and for all.
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Dole waited nine long hours on the Italian battlefield before he was finally taken to the Fifteenth Evacuation Hospital. After a brief stay in a field Army hospital in [[Italy]], he was transported back to the United States and to Topeka's Winter General Army Hospital, where he continued his painful recovery and endured a kidney operation. Then, he was transferred to Percy Jones Army Medical Center in Michigan, where he survived his second brush with death—blood clotting. He was a patient in that hospital along with Phillip A. Hart, whose name graces one of the U.S. Senate office buildings, where Bob Dole occupied an office.
  
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The Lurker then set out on a quest to find the robot, named Keef.gif. He was successful-- in a fit of irony, the same collegiate southern boy who created R-Dole also had helped create Keef.gif.
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Eventually, he returned to Percy Jones Army Medical Hospital for extensive therapy on his rebuilt arm. It took about three years and nine operations for Bob Dole to rehabilitate. He learned to strengthen his injured arm, and also had to learn how to write with his left hand, as the doctors could not rebuild the excessive damage done by the German machine gun fire.
  
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== Keef.gif Prevails ==
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Bob Dole was twice decorated for heroic achievement, receiving two Purple Hearts for his injuries, and the Bronze Star Medal for his attempt to assist the downed radio man.
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Sending Keef.gif after R-Dole, the Lurker knew victory was certain. The plan worked flawlessly-- at the Battle of Beijing, the collegiate southern boy and the Lurker unleashed the Keef.gif upon an unsuspecting R-Dole. After a battle that lasted exactly three hours, thirty-three minutes and thirty-three seconds, Keef.gif won against the powerful Bob Dole, ultimately turning the robotic duplicate's phallus against him.
 
  
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== The Aftermath ==
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==Political positions==
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In the end, four million people died, and an estimated two billion of those were the entire Chinese population. Most animals were killed outright in the conflict, save for mountain goats, who still remain in tight herds. Due to the lack of food competition, the goats have since multiplied exponentially, and have lobbied for voting rights.
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Bob Dole was a conservative on most issues, the exception being [[abortion]].<ref>[https://www.ontheissues.org/Bob_Dole.htm Bob Dole on the Issues]</ref> Although his D.C. record on fiscal and military issues are conservative along with his support for traditional moral values, Dole's record on social issues was arguably somewhat spotty. Despite being more pro-life back in 1974 (before his run for presidency), Dole later increasingly become more "pro-choice", including an apology to an abortionist over his past pro-life supporters' "over the top" rhetoric.<ref>[https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/bob-dole-i-apologized-to-an-abortionist-for-my-pro-life-supporters-rhetoric Bob Dole: I apologized to abortionist for some of my pro-life supporters’ ‘over the top’ rhetoric]</ref> In addition, he pushed for a "tolerance clause" in the 1996 Republican party platform specifically in the section regarding abortion.
  
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Getting the rights, the goats voted the infamous Cary Grant as President of the United States of America. When most goats were asked why they voted the acclaimed goat rapist, they simply stated "Baa."
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===2016 U.S. presidential election===
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In the [[2016 U.S. presidential election]], Dole had been critical of [[Ted Cruz]], calling him an "extremist" despite also supporting [[conservative]] then-candidate [[Donald Trump]].<ref>[https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/01/20/bob-dole-ted-cruz-donald-trump/79079408/ Bob Dole on Ted Cruz: 'Nobody likes him']</ref>
  
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== Is It Over? ==
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==References==
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No.
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{{reflist|2}}
  
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== Really? ==
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==External links==
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There are rumors that the collegiate southern boy, who had no charges brought against him, has since been sighted kidnapping political activist Al Gore. Who knows what terror will befall the world should this be true.
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*[https://www.bobdole.org/ Official Website]
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*[https://www.biography.com/political-figure/bob-dole Bob Dole - Biography]
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{{DEFAULTSORT:Dole, Bob}}
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[[Category:Kansas]]
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[[Category:Former United States Senators]]
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[[Category:State Representatives]]
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[[Category:Republican Party]]
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[[Category:American War Heroes]]
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[[Category:United States Veterans]]
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[[Category:Soldiers]]
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[[Category:World War II]]
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[[Category:Failed Presidential Candidates]]
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[[Category:Politicians]]
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[[Category:Multimillionaires]]
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[[Category:Kansas]]
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[[Category:Moderate Republicans]]
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[[Category:Methodists]]

Latest revision as of 17:28, December 5, 2021

Bob Dole
786980.jpg
Former Senate Majority Leader
From: January 3, 1995 – June 11, 1996
Predecessor Frank Carlson
Successor Trent Lott
Former U.S. Senator from Kansas
From: January 3, 1969 – June 11, 1996
Predecessor Frank Carlson
Successor Sheila Frahm
Former State Representative from Kansas's 81st District
From: January 9, 1951 – January 13, 1953
Predecessor Elmo J. Mahoney
Successor R. C. Williams
Information
Party Republican
Spouse(s) Phyllis Holden (div.)
Elizabeth Dole
Religion Methodist[1]
Military Service
Allegiance United States
Service/branch United States Army
Service Years 1942–1948
Rank Honorary Colonel
Unit 10th Mountain Division
Battles/wars World War II
Awards Bronze Star Medal
Two Purple Hearts

Robert Joseph “Bob” Dole (July 22, 1923 – December 5, 2021)[2] was a United States Senator from Kansas from 1969 to 1996 and the Republican presidential candidate in the 1996 US election, as well as the running mate of Gerald Ford in the 1976 election.

Dole was the majority leader of the United States Senate from 1985–1987 and again from 1995 to 1996, when he resigned from his Senate seat to focus on his then-presidential campaign. He was defeated by incumbent president Bill Clinton. Dole also served as the Minority Leader from 198 to 1995.

In February 2021, it was announced he was suffering from stage 4 lung cancer.[3]

Early life

Dole grew up in the small town of Russell, Kansas, where he excelled as an athlete in multiple sports. He attended the University of Kansas, where he joined the school's famed basketball team. However, more pressing world matters forced his studies to wait for several years. (The University's famous Center for Politics is now named for Dole, as well as another building on campus.)

Military service

In 1942, Dole joined the Army's Enlisted Reserve Corps to fight in World War II. He became a second lieutenant in the Army's 10th Mountain Division. By April 1945, he was fighting the Germans in the hills of Italy where the action was fast-paced. One of the platoon's radio men was hit. Bob Dole crawled out of his foxhole to help him, but it was too late.

Suddenly, while trying to assist the downed radio man, Dole was hit by German machine gun fire in the upper right back destroying his shoulder, and his right arm was so damaged that it was unrecognizable. Dole was immediately given morphine by an Army field medic to alleviate the pain, and his forehead was marked with an "M" in his own blood to alert medics. He was not expected to live.

Dole waited nine long hours on the Italian battlefield before he was finally taken to the Fifteenth Evacuation Hospital. After a brief stay in a field Army hospital in Italy, he was transported back to the United States and to Topeka's Winter General Army Hospital, where he continued his painful recovery and endured a kidney operation. Then, he was transferred to Percy Jones Army Medical Center in Michigan, where he survived his second brush with death—blood clotting. He was a patient in that hospital along with Phillip A. Hart, whose name graces one of the U.S. Senate office buildings, where Bob Dole occupied an office.

Eventually, he returned to Percy Jones Army Medical Hospital for extensive therapy on his rebuilt arm. It took about three years and nine operations for Bob Dole to rehabilitate. He learned to strengthen his injured arm, and also had to learn how to write with his left hand, as the doctors could not rebuild the excessive damage done by the German machine gun fire.

Bob Dole was twice decorated for heroic achievement, receiving two Purple Hearts for his injuries, and the Bronze Star Medal for his attempt to assist the downed radio man.

Political positions

Bob Dole was a conservative on most issues, the exception being abortion.[4] Although his D.C. record on fiscal and military issues are conservative along with his support for traditional moral values, Dole's record on social issues was arguably somewhat spotty. Despite being more pro-life back in 1974 (before his run for presidency), Dole later increasingly become more "pro-choice", including an apology to an abortionist over his past pro-life supporters' "over the top" rhetoric.[5] In addition, he pushed for a "tolerance clause" in the 1996 Republican party platform specifically in the section regarding abortion.

2016 U.S. presidential election

In the 2016 U.S. presidential election, Dole had been critical of Ted Cruz, calling him an "extremist" despite also supporting conservative then-candidate Donald Trump.[6]

References

  1. ↑ https://starsinformer.com/bob-dole/
  2. ↑ Vakil, Caroline (December 5, 2021). Former Sen. Bob Dole dies at 98. The Hill. Retrieved December 5, 2021.
  3. ↑ https://youtu.be/31IzGZQizdE
  4. ↑ Bob Dole on the Issues
  5. ↑ Bob Dole: I apologized to abortionist for some of my pro-life supporters’ ‘over the top’ rhetoric
  6. ↑ Bob Dole on Ted Cruz: 'Nobody likes him'

External links

Retrieved from "https://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Bob_Dole&oldid=1819438"