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Mark Twain was both a writer and a performer, famous as a comic lecturer. He was famous for his witticisms. Some of them are::"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made School Boards." (<ref>Following the Equator, chapter LXI)</ref>:"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.":"By this time you will have noticed that the human being's heaven has been thought out and constructed upon an absolutely definite plan; and that this plan is, that it shall contain, in labored detail, each and every imaginable thing that is repulsive to a man, and not a single thing he likes!" (<ref>Letters From the Earth, Crest Books, 1963. p.20)</ref>:"I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any."<ref>[http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/railton/onstage/70bday.htmlMark Twain's Seventieth Birthday Speech]</ref>:"Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to." (<ref>Following the Equator, chapter XXVIL)</ref>:The report of my death was an exaggeration. (Mark Twain, New York Journal, June 2, 1897):"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. (" <ref>Pudd'nhead Wilson)^{Page Number Needed}</ref>

Many quips attributed to Mark Twain are not his. , due to what Ralph Keyes call this the "the flypaper effect: ." The habit of unclaimed comments... stick "sticking" to famous quotable figures." He quotes a reference librarian as saying "if it's humorous and cynical, it must be Mark Twain."<ref>Keyes, Ralph (1992), ''Nice Guys Finish Seventh: False Phrases, Spurious Sayings, and Familiar Misquotations,'' p 24.</ref> A famous disputed case quote is::"Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it."This was has long been attributed to Twain; according . According to Keyes, quotation sleuths traced it to an unsigned editorial in the Hartford Courant and decided it was most likely by Charles Dudley Warner. However, but there are reasons to believe is evidence suggesting it may really be Twain's remark after all.<ref>Keyes, Ralph (1992), ''Nice Guys Finish Seventh: False Phrases, Spurious Sayings, and Familiar Misquotations,'' p 194-5. Keyes also notes that the quotation, as printed in the ''Courant,'' actually opened with the words "A well known American writer once said," and that a 1923 memoir by a journalist who had known Twain mentioned "never having seen in print Mark's saying about the weather...."</ref>.