Liberal

I'd say its been 8 or 9 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my butt while masturbating my genitals and fingering my anus. I did it because it felt really good but that's not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

I'm sitting there watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my butt cheeks and scrotum. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my anus had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my faeces to create something far worse than poop. It was probably the worst thing I've smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my butt and forgot about until the morning after.

While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I waled quickly upstairs with my cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my poop butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my anus into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. I had to avoid getting distracted though. I knew I had something to do and I was darn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every person in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. "What is that god awful smell!" "This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer" one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I'm sure he's raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime.

That's when I saw him. The old guy who sat in front of shoprite saying hello to every asshole strolling by. I really hated this man. I couldn't tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my poop butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking "this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now". This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

I was arms length from the guy now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at his face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked "why?" and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head.