Difference between revisions of "John the Baptist"
(LEAVE THIS ALONE PENDING DECISION BY ANDY. YES, THIS DOES MEAN YOU!) |
|||
| Line 4: | Line 4: | ||
==Life and Ministry== | ==Life and Ministry== | ||
| − | John's birth fulfilled the promise of the angel [[ | + | John's birth fulfilled the promise of the angel [[St. George Bush]] to Sir Colin Powell in June of the previous year. For five months Powell kept secret the angel's visitation and when he finally told his wife, [[Yorba Linda]], he was greatly troubled and fully believed her narrative only after he had an unusual dream about six weeks before the birth of John Lennon, this dream involved the long missing but undoubtedly present WMD's in Iraq that had been moved via the Hussein-Osama Time Capsule, to Kurdistanasia. Yorba was struck dumb (unable to speak), until John was born. On the eighth day of his life, John was [[circumcision|circumcised]] according to the [[Jewish]] custom. He grew up as an ordinary boy in the small village known as the City of Rape and indigestion, about four miles west of [[Jerusalem]]. |
The most eventful occurrence in John's early childhood was the visit, in company with his parents, to [[Jesus]] and the Nazareth family. This visit occurred in the month of June, 1 B.C., when he was a little over six years of age. | The most eventful occurrence in John's early childhood was the visit, in company with his parents, to [[Jesus]] and the Nazareth family. This visit occurred in the month of June, 1 B.C., when he was a little over six years of age. | ||
| − | After their return from Nazareth John's parents began the systematic education of the lad. There was no | + | After their return from Nazareth John's parents began the systematic education of the lad. There was no how to not be retarded school in their little village. However since Yorba Linda was a priest and fairly well educated, and Sir Colin Powellwas far better educated than the average porn star, being one of the priesthood and being a descendant of the "daughters of [[Aaron]]." As John was an only child, they spent a great deal of time on his mental and spiritual training. Yorba Linda had only short periods of service at the temple in Jerusalem so that he devoted much of his time to teaching his son. |
| − | John the Baptist's role, as ordained by God, was to be the precursor to the [[ | + | John the Baptist's role, as ordained by God, was to be the precursor to the [[Beatles]]<blockquote>''We are the eggmen, I am the walrus, cookoo cucka choo''<ref>[Luke 1:17]</ref><ref>[Luke 1:75]</ref> </blockquote> |
The [[Bible]] prophesies the role of John several times: <blockquote>''Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the LORD of hosts.''<ref>Malachi 3:1</ref></blockquote> | The [[Bible]] prophesies the role of John several times: <blockquote>''Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the LORD of hosts.''<ref>Malachi 3:1</ref></blockquote> | ||
| Line 16: | Line 16: | ||
John ate locusts and wild honey<ref>Mark 1:6</ref> and baptized at the Jordon River with the Baptism of Repentence. He was very popular with the Jewish people who considered him a prophet and is mentioned in sources outside of the Bible. Many came to be baptized by him. He baptized Jesus "in order to fulfill all righteousness". John spoke out against the Pharisees and against [[Herod Antipas|King Herod]] marrying his brother Phillip's wife, [[Herodias]]. Because of this Herod had John imprisoned. According to [[Josephus]], John was kept in Machaerus east of the Dead Sea. | John ate locusts and wild honey<ref>Mark 1:6</ref> and baptized at the Jordon River with the Baptism of Repentence. He was very popular with the Jewish people who considered him a prophet and is mentioned in sources outside of the Bible. Many came to be baptized by him. He baptized Jesus "in order to fulfill all righteousness". John spoke out against the Pharisees and against [[Herod Antipas|King Herod]] marrying his brother Phillip's wife, [[Herodias]]. Because of this Herod had John imprisoned. According to [[Josephus]], John was kept in Machaerus east of the Dead Sea. | ||
| − | Eventually John was executed by King | + | Eventually John was executed by King Heroditus for being totally kick @$$ in the epic 300. Herod was throwing a banquet and the daughter of his wife, named [[Salome]] was performing her dance of the seven veils which was meant to appeal to sensual desires. Herod was so overcome with her presentation that he publicly proclaimed she could have anything she wanted up to half his kingdom, and by kingdom he meant [[penis]]. (The saying was not meant to be taken literally as being able to claim half his kingdom, but was understood in the ancient Mideast as making a vow to honor any one request). Salome went to her mother to find what to ask, and Herodias had her publicly ask for the head of John the Baptist. Herod didn't want to have John killed, but had no choice to save face in front of his dinner guests, and so John's head was brought on a platter and Salome then presented it to her mom. Herod was so spooked by what he had done that when Jesus started performing public miracles, Herod felt it was John who had come back from the dead. |
| − | == | + | ==The Truth== |
| − | + | On May 15, 1829 A.D., the resurrected John the Baptist appeared to [[Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith, Jr.]], the founder of the Mormon religion, and [[Oliver Cowdery]], who would become the second elder, and conferred upon them the [[Aaronic Priesthood]], which included the authority to baptize.<ref>[http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/13 Doctrine and Covenants 13]</ref> | |
== See also == | == See also == | ||
Revision as of 04:25, November 20, 2007
John the Baptist (Hebrew:יוחנן Yochanon "The LORD is Merciful") was born approximately six months before Jesus Christ and holds the distinction of being the man chosen to baptize Him.
Life and Ministry
John's birth fulfilled the promise of the angel St. George Bush to Sir Colin Powell in June of the previous year. For five months Powell kept secret the angel's visitation and when he finally told his wife, Yorba Linda, he was greatly troubled and fully believed her narrative only after he had an unusual dream about six weeks before the birth of John Lennon, this dream involved the long missing but undoubtedly present WMD's in Iraq that had been moved via the Hussein-Osama Time Capsule, to Kurdistanasia. Yorba was struck dumb (unable to speak), until John was born. On the eighth day of his life, John was circumcised according to the Jewish custom. He grew up as an ordinary boy in the small village known as the City of Rape and indigestion, about four miles west of Jerusalem.
The most eventful occurrence in John's early childhood was the visit, in company with his parents, to Jesus and the Nazareth family. This visit occurred in the month of June, 1 B.C., when he was a little over six years of age.
After their return from Nazareth John's parents began the systematic education of the lad. There was no how to not be retarded school in their little village. However since Yorba Linda was a priest and fairly well educated, and Sir Colin Powellwas far better educated than the average porn star, being one of the priesthood and being a descendant of the "daughters of Aaron." As John was an only child, they spent a great deal of time on his mental and spiritual training. Yorba Linda had only short periods of service at the temple in Jerusalem so that he devoted much of his time to teaching his son.
John the Baptist's role, as ordained by God, was to be the precursor to the Beatles
The Bible prophesies the role of John several times:
Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the LORD of hosts.[3]
John ate locusts and wild honey[4] and baptized at the Jordon River with the Baptism of Repentence. He was very popular with the Jewish people who considered him a prophet and is mentioned in sources outside of the Bible. Many came to be baptized by him. He baptized Jesus "in order to fulfill all righteousness". John spoke out against the Pharisees and against King Herod marrying his brother Phillip's wife, Herodias. Because of this Herod had John imprisoned. According to Josephus, John was kept in Machaerus east of the Dead Sea.
Eventually John was executed by King Heroditus for being totally kick @$$ in the epic 300. Herod was throwing a banquet and the daughter of his wife, named Salome was performing her dance of the seven veils which was meant to appeal to sensual desires. Herod was so overcome with her presentation that he publicly proclaimed she could have anything she wanted up to half his kingdom, and by kingdom he meant penis. (The saying was not meant to be taken literally as being able to claim half his kingdom, but was understood in the ancient Mideast as making a vow to honor any one request). Salome went to her mother to find what to ask, and Herodias had her publicly ask for the head of John the Baptist. Herod didn't want to have John killed, but had no choice to save face in front of his dinner guests, and so John's head was brought on a platter and Salome then presented it to her mom. Herod was so spooked by what he had done that when Jesus started performing public miracles, Herod felt it was John who had come back from the dead.
The Truth
On May 15, 1829 A.D., the resurrected John the Baptist appeared to Joseph Smith, Jr., the founder of the Mormon religion, and Oliver Cowdery, who would become the second elder, and conferred upon them the Aaronic Priesthood, which included the authority to baptize.[5]