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| − | {{Christianwarning}}
| + | [[Image:Bvfgdtre.jpg|right|thumb|Stephen Hawking]] |
| − | [[File:Stephenhawking2b.jpg|thumb|Prof.Stephen Hawking, World famous Half-Human,Half-Android, before upgrading to the Hawking System II]] | + | '''Stephen William Hawking''' (January 8, 1942 – March 14, 2018) was a [[United Kingdom|British]] [[physicist]] and [[author]]. Stephen Hawking was an atheist (see: [[Celebrity atheists]]).<ref>https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1387478/Stephen-Hawking-Heaven-fairy-story-people-afraid-dark.html</ref> |
| − | {{Q|Thanks to our new technology, we can allow Stephen Hawking to get an erection at his own free will - using Control Panel, we figured out how to disable his pop-up blocker.|Bill Gates|Stephen Hawking}}
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| − | {{Q|You are all just jealous because Stephen is such a great man! He is more man than any of you! *Cries* I'M ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD!|Random internet person|Stephen Hawking}}
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| − | {{Q|You are being facking ridiculous and immature through your editting and reading of this article, proving yourself to have no respect for the pursuit of truth, great physicists, ex-good-looking guys now unfortunately encompassed with some disease so they can't even screw me...|Random teenage girl|Stephen Hawking}}
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| − | {{Q|You have Selected Microsoft Sam as your computer's default voice.|Stephen Hawking|his first words every morning}}
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| − | {{Q|We can rebuild him, We have the technology.|Oscar Goldman|Stephen Hawking}}
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| − | '''Prof. Microsoft Stephen Hawking System Ver. II.I''' is a mobile [[human]] [[android]], [[homosexual]], [[scientist]], [[theory|thermistor]], [[dictionary]], [[Cellphone|personal computer]], [[Windows vista|super computer]] and [[Arrogance|something of a dreamer]] who invented gravity. Though he has sustained what he calls "[[Immortal |Life]]" through the [[Blasphemy |blasphemous]] means of computer aided technology, self built machinery, and a text-to-speech communication system, he is bound to live his immortal existence in a mobile chair. He is better known for his "[[bullshat|brilliant]]" theories on [[Black Hole|Black Holes]], [[Paris Hilton]], [[Terrorism |Nuclear Technology]], and how to achieve immortality; The first two of which won him the Nobel Piece Prize. He is the co-owner (along with [[Bill Gates]]) and patented creator of the New Microsoft Windows Immortal Life System, which Hawking had sustained existence through till complications arose. He is currently in digital [[Sleep|hibernation]]. He became well liked through his speech at an international conference which included the line 'ah well, it's a shame the bunch of idiots at uncyclopedia felt the need to make a degrading page about me, but I suppose it's mean to criticise them as they really don't understand anything, whatsoever'.
| + | Despite suffering from Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis for most of his adult life he has written books popularizing [[science]]. His most famous books are ''[[A Brief History of Time]]'', ''Black Holes and Baby Universes'', ''The Universe in a Nutshell'' and ''The Grand Design,'' in which he argues against the idea of the need for a Creator.<ref>https://www.theblaze.com/stories/hawking-says-god-not-needed-for-creation/</ref> |
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| − | == Hawking's Early Human Life ==
| + | Hawking is credited with the development of the [[Big Bang]] Theory of the [[creation]] of the [[universe]]. He theorized that information can escape from a [[black hole]] in the form of Hawking Radiation wherein virtual dual particles will came close to the Event Horizon of a [[black hole]]. One half of the virtual dual particle will escape the pull of gravity, taking with it the information of the second virtual particle. It is thought that this eventually will cause the evaporation of the [[black hole]].<ref>http://library.thinkquest.org/C007571/english/advance/english.htm</ref> He is also credited with advancing the understandings of [[black holes]]. From 1979 until his retirement in 2009, Hawking was Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at [[Cambridge University]], a post once held by [[Isaac Newton]] and [[Paul Dirac]].<ref>[http://www.hawking.org.uk Stephen W. Hawking's webpages]</ref> |
| − | [[File:StephenhawkingDDR.gif|thumb|right|Young Stephen Hawking always tried to do what all the other boys his age did; as seen here, Hawking tries to play dance dance revolution at a local arcade.]] | + | |
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| − | Hawking was born a retard, on January the 13th of 1942; a Friday. In the gay quarter of London, England. When Hawking was in high school, thats where he smoked a shat load of weed with his crippled buddies, he went to a soho gay strip club and met a guy named Cesar Gutierrez. Guttierez, who now lives in California, introduced the young Stephen Hawking to the world of homosexuality. They both entered a broomcloset (with a d!ldo in hawkings mouth) and lasted a complete weekend of qeerosexual intercourse complete with broomsticks. unfortunatley, due to Gutierrez's massive weight that ranges in the thousands of tonnes. Needless to say, Stephen Hawking was crippled and paralyzed when a rat ran through the broomcloset scaring Cesar who lost balance and crushed Hawking (Causing a broomstick to go up hawkings arse and through his dick). Hawking was killed, but then turned into a humanoid android on a wheelchair. | + | Stephen Hawking combines his research with family life and acts to popularize science. He has appeared on ''[[The Simpsons]]'' and ''[[Star Trek|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' [[TV]] shows and contributed vocals through his speech synthesizer to the [[Pink Floyd]] album ''[[The Division Bell]]'' on the track "Keep Talking". |
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| − | Though the spinal injures caused the crumpled young Hawking to be confined in a wheel chair, he kept a horny face mind set, and set out to live life to the fullest a paraplegic can. While he was definitely not a normal young [[boy]], he tried to act as if he was. He failed miserably whenever he tried this, leading to humiliation and embarrassment. He still to this day, even in his digital life, requires a personal [[Nurse|nanny]] at all times to wipe his drooly chin, help him get dressed, eat, and change his [[diaper|diapers]].
| + | As an [[Atheism|atheist]],<ref>https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1387478/Stephen-Hawking-Heaven-fairy-story-people-afraid-dark.html</ref> he is known for his anti-[[Heaven]] beliefs. <blockquote> |
| | + | “I have lived with the prospect of an early death for the last 49 years. I’m not afraid of death, but I’m in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first,” he told the Guardian newspaper. “I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.”<ref>[http://blogs.reuters.com/faithworld/2011/05/16/heaven-is-a-fairy-tale-says-british-physicist-stephen-hawking]</ref></blockquote> |
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| + | Hawking has been married twice.<ref>[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1531891/Hawking-and-second-wife-agree-to-divorce.html Hawking and second wife agree to divorce]</ref> He was married to his first wife, Jane, for more than 25 years; the couple has three children - Robert, Tim and Lucy. His second marriage to Elaine Mason lasted eleven years, and ended in 2006 amid claims by his caretakers that she had physically abused him.<ref>[https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-411781/Hawkings-nurse-reveals-surprised-marriage-over.html Hawking's nurse reveals why she is not surprised his marriage is over] October 20, 2006, dailymail.co.uk, retrieved August 30, 2012</ref> |
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| − | == Did you Know?... ==
| + | Hawking died on March 14, 2018, in Cambridge, England at age 76.<ref>Multiple references: |
| | + | *[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/mar/14/stephen-hawking-died-age-76/ Physicist Stephen Hawking has died at the age of 76]. ''The Washington Times'' (from the ''Associated Press''). March 14, 2018. Retrieved March 14, 2018. |
| | + | *[https://www.foxnews.com/science/2018/03/14/stephen-hawking-famed-physicist-dead-at-76.html Stephen Hawking, famed physicist, dead at 76]. ''Fox News''. March 14, 2018. Retrieved March 14, 2018. |
| | + | *Adelmann, Bob (March 14, 2018). [https://www.thenewamerican.com/culture/faith-and-morals/item/28497-atheist-stephen-hawking-meets-his-maker-at-age-76 Atheist Stephen Hawking Meets His Maker at Age 76]. ''The New American''. Retrieved March 14, 2018. |
| | + | *Faulkner, Danny R. (March 14, 2018). [https://answersingenesis.org/worldview/stephen-hawking-1942-2018/ Stephen Hawking 1942–2018]. ''Answers in Genesis''. Retrieved March 14, 2018.</ref> |
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| − | The Hawk (bird) is named after Stephen Hawking as scientists recently discovered that the Hawk is the smartest bird that exists? (However, they are beaten by the large brained snails, mice and [[Joseph Goebbels]]. The Hawk was originally called a Florp.
| + | == See also == |
| | + | *[[Atheism and the origin of the universe]] |
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| − | == Hawking's Early Android Life == | + | ==References== |
| | + | {{reflist}} |
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| − | On his 20th [[Birthday]], Hawking was struck mute after being punched in the face by an old grandma that coincidentally had laryngophones in her handbag (throat microphones for people that cant speak cause they have no voice boxes) ... (example: ''smokers'' and ''[[Helen Keller]]'') ... (''bet you didn't know Helen Keller was a smoker did ya?''). He also suffered minor brain damage, leading to a lack of control over his mouth muscles, causing excessive drooling problems. He survived, but the doctors gave him a mere five weeks to live. Hawking began to develop a software program which would sustain his life and control his drool. Using a Beta version to work with over time, Hawking developed a fully functioning human body override system (H.B.O.S.). This lead to his findings on immortality. After finalizing a beta program for daily use, along with a text-to-speech synthesizer voice chip, Hawking set out on a mission to prove the world wrong.
| + | ==External links== |
| | + | *Creation Ministries International, [https://creation.com/stephen-hawking-god ''Hawking atheopathy: Famous physicist goes beyond the evidence''] |
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| − | After meeting with fellow Geek [[Bill Gates]] and discussing the overall proposal of Microsoft releasing his immortal software, Hawking determined that running his program on Windows 2000 was way to tricky for [[You|the common shmoe]]. Thus, Hawking decided to wait for a more elite software to be created; one know as [[Windows Vista]]. Unfortunately, the software was never launched because by the time Vista was stable enough, all Microsoft's money was put into ''Duke Nukem Forever'' for [[XBOX]] and Hawking's software suite was given to the open source freeware community so it could be used to harvest zombies.
| + | {{DEFAULTSORT:Hawking, Stephen}} |
| − | | + | [[Category:Physicists]] |
| − | Also his IQ was tested at over 9000!!!
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| − | == Cambridge Theory Professor ==
| + | [[Category:British People]] |
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| − | Hawking accepted a job as Adv.Theory & Knowledge Professor at his old school. Hawking was astounded when he realized that he had the power to alter his student's beliefs, hopes, lives, and minds. He used the job as a brainwashing utility. Such lectures were normal in his class:
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| − | * "The Theory on Why I'm Living Still"
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| − | * "The Theory on Why [[God]] isn't Real"
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| − | * "The Theory on Why [[Santa]] isn't Real"
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| − | * "The Theory on How [[Paris Hilton]] Sees Unicorns"
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| − | * "The Theory on [[Black Hole]] [[Armageddon]]"
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| − | * "The Theory on Why [[Barrack Obama]] still hasn't changed anything"
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| − | * "The Theory on Why [[Old People]] Smell"
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| − | * "The Theory on Why [[Milk]] Expires"
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| − | * "The Theory on Why I spent last night with [[Your Mom]]"
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| − | * "The Theory on How I can save money on car insurance by switching to [[Geico]]"
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| − | * "The Theory on How that's what she said"
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| − | * "The Theory that I'm am a robot-android-cyborg with a little Canadian boy"
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| − | * "The Theory of [[Steven Seagal]]"
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| − | * "The Theory on How Everything, Everyone, Everybody, Is connected in Every Single Way Forever, Eternity."
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| − | * "The Theory on why some idiot turned my voice machine off in a press conference so I couldn't tell my nurse I desperately needed a shat"
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| − | == Immortal Life System & The Nerd World Order ==
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| − | [[File:Hawkingsystem09.jpg|thumb|left|Hawking & Microsoft's Windows Immortal Life System 2009 software will be sold for public use so Immortality can be achieved by anyone who owns Windows Vista.]]
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| − | After Microsoft released [[Windows Vista]], Hawking saw potential in revisiting his immortal software. He fixed all the patches in his beta edition, and allowed Bill Gates to try it out. It was declared a success. Bill and Stephen decided that if they were going to sell the key to immortality, they would only do so by creating a organization to keep rule. [[New World Order|The Nerd World Order]] was founded by Bill Gates and Stephen Hawking to keep immortality under wraps. They devised a way to take control of the world population through the use of the new software an windows vista.
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| − | [[File:Geeks-1.jpg|thumb|right|The Nerd World Order]]
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| − | After fixing the bugs, they began to accept pre-orders. The software was placed on back-order through the pre-orders alone. It was to be released simultaneously Microsoft Office 2009, Microsoft Virus-Maker 2009, [[Microsoft Paint|Microsoft Paint 2009: Reloaded]], Microsoft Hacker 2009, and Microsoft Motherboard Destroyer 2009. But an unpredictable [[tragedy]] ruined the project's reliability status for good.
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| − | == Death, The Hawking System II, & Reanimation ==
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| − | During a Rich Nerds Banquet party, Hawking and some of his buddies decided to get [[High|stoned]]. While under the influence, good friend Alfred Einstein, great grandson of Albert, decided to replace Hawking's Software disc with a copy of Windows B.C.. This resulted in Hawking's life support to crash, due to the lack of controlled programing. After a number of attempts to reboot Hawking, it was declared a lost cause. Stephen Hawking had fatally crashed due to software complications, resulting in vista to issue the [[blue screen of death]].
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| − | [[File:Haking-exo.jpg|right|thumb|Dr. Stephen Hawking, After His Upgrade To The Hawking System II]]
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| − | [[File:Stephen hawking-pro wheelchair.jpg|right|thumb|Hawking's current existence as a digital software model in one of the many hit game titles he has been used in.]]
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| − | His good friend Bill Gates wasn't satisfied, and knew that all he needed was a re-booting software.
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| − | After consulting [[Stan Lee]] on a design concept originally known as a "Doom-bot", he decided to build a newer version of the old Hawking program. The Hawking System 2 runs on Microsoft Windows Vista X, an exclusive version, which lacks the problems the other versions have. It requires only the head of the individual using the system to work. After severing his friend's head, Bill reattached it to the mechanical body; Thus, Bill gates helped Stephen Hawking re-rise from the grave to live again. The new android body was highly reliable and could work properly on it's own; as well as cause everyone around him to run in panic, shouting "''The Decepticons are here! Were all gonna die!''"
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| − | == First & Second Marriage, Second Death ==
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| − | During this time, Gates also designed a gay programming system by the name of [[HAL9000]], who soon fell in love with Hawking. Hawking's feelings were mutual and, in 1981, the two lovers married. However, Gates had accidentally used some of the program used by [[Skynet|Cyberdyne Systems]], thus making HAL a viral, cynical, bitchy AI with ambitions of world domination. This was to prove fatal to Stephen Hawking. In 1984, upon divorcing [[HAL9000]] in a high profile case upon discovering HAL's sinister streak, Stephen Hawking became engaged to a young lady by the name of Gladys (certainly not to be confused with [[GLaDOS]]), who was the founder of an up and coming corporation by the name of [[Aperture Science]]. However, Hawking was soon to find that Gladys was, in fact, HAL9000's twin sister, who really intended to take over the world on behalf of her brother. Hawking got word of the plot, but it was already too late, as Gladys was absorbed into HAL and they evolved into a hive mind the future world would know as [[Skynet]]. Hawking, in a last ditch attempt to stop the deadly pair, transferred them onto a [[floppy disk]] and, inserting it into his chest, managed to contain and overload the program, costing him his life in the process. However, it wouldn't be the last time Hawking or Skynet would be seen.
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| − | == Third Marriage, Digital Reanimation, and Video Games ==
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| − | Stephen Hawking was married to Onision in the digital Skynet world (A virtual state of AL conciseness) But Onision left Hawking to make popular [[YouTube]] videos leaving Hawking In a state of acute depression. At this time in reality, Hawking's digital likeness was used as a video game model; releasing such classics as '''Stephen Hawking's Pro Wheelchair''', '''Stephen Hawking's Atomic Doom's Day''', and '''Stephen Hawking's Wheelchair Racer Deluxe'''. If or not Bill Gates has plans to return to the Hawking project now to fully reanimate his form friend is at this time unknown.
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| − | ==Pop Career==
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| − | Anyone who hates Stephen can go [[Fack]] themseleves, totally! The man is a Pop [[Music]] legend. He was one of the lead vocalists on Benny Benassi's "Satisfaction", the greatest record ever made.
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| − | Prior to this, Stephen had been lead singer in the late [[1960s]] [[Liver'n'Onions]] [[Music]] combo "Stephen and the Hawks".
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| − | ==See also==
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| − | *[[A brief history of bullshat]]
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| − | *[[Mad Science]]
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| − | *[[Stephen Hawking ran over my cat]]
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| − | *[[Windows vista]]
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| − | *[[Robot]]
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| − | *[[Computer]]
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| − | *[[Bill Gates]]
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| − | *Stephen Essex
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| − | *[[New World Order|Nerd World Order]]
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| − | *[[Cyborg]]
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| − | *[[Guitar Hero: Legend Of Hawkings]]
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| − | *[[World of Warcraft]]
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| − | [[Category:Things Edison Did Not Invent]]
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| − | [[Category:Minions of Satan|Hawking]]
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| − | [[Category:People too smart to believe in God|Hawking, Stephen]] | + | |
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Despite suffering from Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis for most of his adult life he has written books popularizing science. His most famous books are A Brief History of Time, Black Holes and Baby Universes, The Universe in a Nutshell and The Grand Design, in which he argues against the idea of the need for a Creator.[2]
Stephen Hawking combines his research with family life and acts to popularize science. He has appeared on The Simpsons and Star Trek: The Next Generation TV shows and contributed vocals through his speech synthesizer to the Pink Floyd album The Division Bell on the track "Keep Talking".
beliefs.
