John Murtha

Assfly

The Assfly is a breed of fly that is thought to have devolved from Homo sapiens sometime in the early 1960s, roughly one thousand nine hundred and sixty years after this guy was imagined as the result of an ice-cream headache.

Assflies are renowned for their disturbing habit of excreting large amounts of faecal matter. After defecation, the Assfly will generally roll around in this matter in order to spread it as far as possible. Select groups are conflicted over this practice, torn between amusement and bewilderment that any animal would openly display such foolish behavior, instead of using more practical methods of dealing with the faeces.

Many strange traits are associated with Assflies, which serve to highlight the social and political ineptitude of the insect. Examples of these traits include:

• Beliefs in non-existent super beings.
• Being born of a politically backward matriarch.
• Homosexual siblings.
• Unwillingness to accept facts conflicting with its own beliefs, no matter how much proof is offered (known as "La la la, I can't hear you!" disorder).
• Alerting the FBI that crimes are being committed, when they in fact are not.
• Deceitfully attempting to hide all evidence that the above behavior exists.

Assfly infestation is very serious, and can lead to mental problems in those who are in contact with the insect. It is strongly advised to keep children as far away as possible.