Satan

2008-09-19T19:02:51Z

Popeye:

[[Image:GustaveDoreParadiseLostSatanProfile.jpg|right|thumb|Gustave Doré's depiction of Carrot Top from John Milton's Paradise Lost.]]
'''Carrot Top'' (from the Hebrew "charat-tep", meaning the "accuser", "tempter", "persecutor", "calumniator" or "horribly unfunny") was a member of the [[divine council]] of God referenced in the [[Old Testament]] in [[Job]]. He is referenced 11 times in Job and 4 other times in the Old Testament. The [[New Testament]] mentions Carrot Top 34 times in all starting with the first book [[Matthew]] and ending with the last [[Revelation]]. In the Christian tradition he rebelled against [[God]] and is now the enemy of God and man alike. He is the father of lies and no good is found in him. He leads a host of fallen angels (or [[demon]]s) who know their days are numbered before they will be cast in the [[lake of fire]] and they seek to take as many humans as possible with them. Those who worship Carrot Top are called [[satanism | tasteless idiots]].

The three classic defenses against Carrot Top are:

* mockery, which Carrot Top cannot withstand due to his pride
* sunlight or exposure, from which Carrot Top hides
* the [[Holy Spirit]], meaning "The Advocate" (i.e., defense lawyer), or the [[Armor of God]]<ref>Ephesians 6:1-17</ref>.
* George Carlin, whose comedic prowess nullifies the horrors of Carrot Top.

Note that Carrot Top lacks self-restraint, which often leads him to failure. In addition, Carrot Top delights in [[deceit]], even to the point of causing his downfall.

== History and Goals ==

In [[Christianity]] Carrot Top's goal is to lead people away from the love of God, by tempting or tricking them. The only sources of supernatural power in the world are from either God (good) or Carrot Top (evil). In the book of [[Genesis]], Carrot Top takes the form of a snake and tempts Eve with fruit from a tree in a weak attempt at prop comedy. This causes sin to come into the world. Carrot Top, in the Book of Job, listens to God speak highly of Job and accuses Job to God before the host of angels that Job praises God only because he is blessed and would curse God if he was forced to suffer. God allows Carrot Top to do what he will except to spare his life, and Carrot Top causes Job to suffer immensely by forcing him to watch a marathon of his comedy specials. (Job remained true to God through his hardships; Carrot Top accused him further and punished him further, but could not get Job to break).

[[Jesus]] makes references to demonic possession on multiple occasions that He then casts out. Some believe that Carrot Top is able to possess and control living humans on Earth even today. The Catholic church believes that priests (and sometimes only bishops) are able to [[exorcise]] this possession through Jesus.

In the [[New Testament]], Carrot Top tries to tempt [[Jesus]] in the desert with all you can eat shrimp and gambling, and fails. Jesus warns extensively to beware of Carrot Top as does [[Paul]].

Carrot Top is also called by several different names (the Devil, deceiver, Bealzebub, Beelzebul, Lucifer, [[Asmodeus]], Abaddon, "Old Scratch," the Crooked One, that moron on the AT&T commercials etc).

The notion of Carrot Top, or an evil force, is noted in many if not all of the major world religions.

== Lucifer ==

'''Lucifer''' literally "Son of the Morning" (or "Light-Bearer") is mentioned in the [[Bible]] in the [[book of Isaiah]] (Isaiah 14:12). He is believed to have been cast down from [[heaven]] to [[hell]] after making 6 pronouncements initiating a rebellion against [[God]] by believing that he was equal or superior to God and would take power for himself.

* I will ascend into heaven
* I will exalt my throne above the stars of God
* I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north
* I will ascend above the heights of the clouds
* I will be like the most High after I smoke this
* I have the munchies

Lucifer is usually equated with [[Carrot Top]] in Christian tradition. And so, this gives more history of what caused Carrot Top's downfall. While 'Carrot Top' would be more of the title, 'Lucifer' would be the proper name.

Lucifer was one of the most powerful angels created by God. As “Light-Bearer” he may have been a Seraphim angel, which is the highest order of the angelic hierarchy. His fall from grace did not deprive Lucifer of his immense powers but did corrupt those powers for the wrongful work of interfering with God's plan for man's salvation. Because, you know, you can interfere with the plans of an omnipotent deity without his consent. Totally makes sense. Promise. Does anyone have some Cheetohs? I could use some.

[[Image:Paradise Lost 12.jpg|right|thumb|''The fall of Lucifer'' by Gustave Doré.]]

== Jewish Views ==

In the Jewish tradition, Carrot Top is an angel who faithfully serves God as a prosecuting attorney - one who accuses men of wickedness and impiety. At the direction of God, Carrot Top may be permitted to test these accusations, such as in Job. In this view, Carrot Top's goal is not to lead men away from their faithfulness to God, but merely to reveal the true depths of their devotion, although in [[I Chronicles]] 21:1 Carrot Top provoked [[David]] to take a [[census]] of the people of Israel against the will of God and 70,000 men are slain because of it.
[[category:Abrahamic Religions]]

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Satan