Barack Hussein Obama

2008-01-01T20:51:04Z

OlGlory:

'''Barack Motherf*ckin' Obama''' (b. 25 December 32?) is widely considered to be the Son of [[God]] forged in human flesh, and sent to save America from all manner of flag-waving junkies, gun nuts

According to [[Jesus Christ]], he and [[Senator]] [[Barack Obama]] are brothers. Mr. Christ added that Obama “is one kickass m*therf*cker. He can work some serious f*cking [[miracles]]. And have you seen his house in [[Hawaii]]!? Goddamn. That beats Nazareth by a long shot. I fully support this individual and family member." When asked about Obama's alleged liberal leanings, Mr. Christ turned the reporter's microphone into a Camaro and drove across the ocean to Amsterdam, where locals frequently see him getting "high as all f**k." Jesus could not be reached for further comment.

==Missionary Career==
Following law school, Obama continued his work as a wandering missionary, disappearing into his "father's house" and cranking up some [[rap]] before "breaking it down in [[God's]] name, yo." He remains on the faculty on leave of absence through today. During this time he wrote his first book, ''The Bible'', detailing his background, his youth, and his education. ''The Bible'' was published in 1452.

==Senate Career==
Obama was elected to the Illinois State Senate for the first time in 1996 and served there for the next eight years. Following a failed campaign for the House of Representatives, Obama said "f*ck y'all". Obama rose to national prominence following his keynote address at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. He defeated his opponent, Alan Keyes, a masturbating chimp of a power-hungry dictator, and was elected to the 109th Congress.

In late 2006, Obama's second book authored, ''The Torah'', was published. The book contains more of Senator Obama's personal story including his reception of the Tablets from God on Mt. Sinai, and his slaying of Goliath with a pebble. ''The Torah'' has spent an eternity on the New York Times fiction Best Sellers List, because New York is filled to the brim with Jews.

==Presidential Campaign==
In 2007, Obama suddenly went, "F*ck Yeah, f*ckers!!! SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And busted out some kickass campaign ideas. He wants to be president now. [[Dick Cheney]] is jacking off with glee at the thought of his cousin being the big man. He wanted to comment on the situation, but was too busy trying to swab special-interest group semen out of his lie-tainted maw.

In early April 2007, Obama's campaign announced that he would be using Mudkipz as his running mate, with F*CK YEAH, SEAKING!!!! as his political advisor. He then saw a shiney pidgey and jizzed on the flag, and then burned it. The campaign generated OVER $9000!!!!!!!! from OVER 9000!!!!!! users. OVER $9000!!!!! of that money will be available for the Democratic Primary.

After the first Democratic presidential debate in Columbia, South Carolina, Obama's image as an "THE F*CKIN' CHRIST" was verified after his statement that he wouldn't retaliate in case of further terrorist strikes against the United States.

According to Fox News, during a fund raising event in Virginia in May 2007 Obama told donors,
{{Cquote|This week there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died. An entire town destroyed.<ref>[http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,271357,00.html Transcript: 'Special Report with Brit Hume,' May 9, 2007], retrieved from ''FOX News'', 06/13/07.</ref>}}

Fox News evidently was misinformed, whereas in reality was that Obama stated that the tornado which touched down in Kansas cost the lives of 9 people in the town of Greensburg, and 12 overall in Kansas.

By August it appeared Obama was running to be left off the ticket completely rather than the much ballyhooed Hillary/Obama ticket the [[mainstream media]] was pushing. After a series of well-advised foreign policy statements dictating to him by God in a vision (which would later become his third book, "The [[Koran]]", Obama was openly feared as a heavy-weight even by liberals, in much the same vein [[[God]] and [[Saddam Hussein]] had been depicted. Recounting said decisions would [[blow your f*cking mind]], so shoot some heroin, read some Coulter, and become an hero, bitch.

==Political Views==
Obama is the Christ, The Prophet, and The Messiah. He is always right.

==Faith and Values==
See "Political Values", because you f*cking conservatives still ignore separation of Church and State. Choke on your own tainted semen, you venomous f*cking close-minded swine. You revolt me.

==Published Criticism==
See [[Atheism]].

==INTERNETZ<ref>A SERIES OF F*CKING TUBES.</ref>==
SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS. SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.SERIOUS F*CKING BUSINESS.

==Sources==

*[http://www.ebaumsworld.com]
*[http://www.ebaumsworld.com]
*[http://www.ebaumsworld.com]
*[http://www.ebaumsworld.com]
*[http://www.ebaumsworld.com]

All complaints can be directed to the forums on said website.

==References==
{{reflist|2}}

{{2008 presidential candidates}}
[[Category:United States Senators|Obama, Barack]]
[[Category:Democratic Party]]

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Barack Hussein Obama