Conservapedia - User contributions [en]

Pope

2009-05-05T22:26:12Z

Nicolaus:

{{Refimprovesect|date=December 2008}}[[Image:Hotpocketlogo.png|right|thumb|The Hot Pockets brand logo used from 2001 to 2008.]][[Image:UmBongoMeal.jpg|thumb|A typical serving suggestion for Hot Pockets]]
'''Hot Pockets''' are [[microwave oven|microwaveable]] [[turnover (food)|turnovers]] usually containing [[cheese]] and [[meat]]. Hot Pockets are currently produced by [[Nestlé]] internationally.

There are over twenty varieties of Hot Pockets, including both [[breakfast]] and [[lunch]]/[[dinner]] varieties. Nestlé also offers Lean Pockets, Hot Pockets Croissant Crust (formerly called Croissant Pockets), Pot Pie Express, Hot Pocket Pizza Minis (originally called Hot Pockets Pizza-Snacks), Hot Pockets Subs, Hot Pockets Calzones, Hot Pockets Panini, and Hot Pockets Breakfast items which include the meat, egg and cheese varieties, and the Fruit Pastries.

Hot Pockets were invented by [[Paul Merage]] and [[David Merage]] in the 1970s. They founded the company [[Chef America Inc.]] and began producing Hot Pockets for profit in 1983. In 2002, the Merages sold Chef America to Nestlé for $2.6 billion. Initially only available in the [[United States]], they are now sold by [[Nestlé]] in [[France]], [[Germany]], [[Spain]] and the [[United Kingdom]] under the [[Maggi]] brand. Quote from Nestlé 2005 Full Year Financials: "In Europe, the roll-out of Hot Pockets, small microwaveable frozen meals, is gaining momentum in France, Germany, Spain and the UK." In [[Canada]], Nestlé distributes some Hot Pockets products as part of the [[Stouffer's]] Bistro or [[Lean Cuisine]] lines, although the Hot Pockets brand itself is absent from product packaging.

Hot Pockets, which come [[frozen food|frozen]], are often known for being packaged with a [[crisping sleeve]]. The material within sleeve converts microwave energy into heat in order to crisp the crust, which is usually penetrated by microwaves. The sleeves, branded "Qwik Crisp" (like most crisping papers) and now under [[pen name]] "Crisp & Carry!", are common in most Hot Pockets varieties. Recent Hot Pockets Subs brands have refrained from using such crispers, as some sandwiches are said to be soft-baked. On the back they say Crisp and Crunch.

Hot Pockets came under fire recently for using cheese that contained meat. The courts found in favor of the food maker citing that "Hot Pockets does not claim to offer a vegetarian solution, and as such including meat in the spinach and cheese pocket is perfectly legal."

Recently, Hot Pockets began introducing whole grain crusts, following a trend of many convenience product purveyors offering lower carbohydrate choices.

For a long time, along with the jingle, it had used the slogan "The hot meal in a pocket" and "When you want a hot meal without a big deal".

[[Image:Hot pocket.jpg|right|thumb|A Hot Pocket]]
[[File:Hot Pocket Cooked.jpg|thumb|A cooked pepperoni Hot Pocket with sleeve]]
==Usage in media==
Comedian [[Jim Gaffigan]] has a routine dedicated to Hot Pockets, in which he talks extensively about their [[white trash]] ethos, the fact that their centers are either frozen or "boiling lava hot", their alleged tendency to give the eater [[diarrhea]], the contents of Hot Pockets (from "nasty meat" to more Hot Pockets), the introduction of the Breakfast Hot Pockets ("Finally you can have a Hot Pocket for breakfast, a Hot Pocket for lunch, and be dead by dinner. Dead Pocket!"), and the product's jingle, which he sings often in an odd [[falsetto]] voice.

[[Larry the Cable Guy]] has a similar routine in which he discusses the product's alleged fecal-related side effects. One other comedic reference to note can be heard on ''[[Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now]]'' in which Ellen states, "I blame the [[microwave]] for most of our problems. Anything that gets that hot without fire, that's from the [[devil]]. You don't believe me? You put a Hot Pocket in there for three or four minutes, pop that thing in your mouth, if that's not hell, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what is."

[[G4tv]] aired a parody commercial for the food on their "Attack of the Show" program[http://www.g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/videos/20729/Around_the_Net.html]. The [[YouTube]] video criticizes the white trash leanings of the stereotypical Hot Pockets consumer by featuring a [[NASCAR]] fan abusing his pregnant wife when confronted about an empty box of Hot Pockets in the freezer.

In the season 5 episode of ABC's "[[Lost]]" titled "[[The Lie (Lost)]]", which aired January 21, 2009, a startled Hurley throws a Hot Pocket at Ben, but misses and splatters its contents on the wall.

The character [[Dr. Evil]] from ''[[Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me]]'' mentions Hot Pockets twice throughout the film. He first mentions them while offering Mini-Me something to eat, and in a later scene recommends Hot Pockets to [[Fraulein Brau]] during an awkward post-intercourse incident.

[[John Casey (Chuck)|John Casey]] can be seen eating burned Hot Pockets in his apartment in the [[Chuck (TV series)|''Chuck'']] episode [[Chuck Versus the Undercover Lover]].

In the [[South Park]] episode ''[[Make Love, Not Warcraft]]'' in which the boys dedicate most of their time to the [[MMORPG]] game [[World of Warcraft]], they keep a microwave oven close to their gaming places to constantly eat Hot Pockets.

In [[American Dad]] Roger gives ex-President of the USA George W. Bush a 'Dolly Pocket', named after [[Dolly Parton]], which was "A hot pocket stuffed with [[rhinestones]]"

==See also==
*[[Pastry]]
*[[Calzone]]
*[[Empanada]]
*[[Samosa]]
*[[Runza]]
*[[Popcorn bag]]
*[[Sausage biscuit]]
*[[Jim Gaffigan]]

==External links==
*[http://www.hotpockets.com/ Official Website]
*[http://www.hotpocketsdojo.com/ Hot Pockets Dojo Official Website]
*[http://www.nutritiondata.com/facts-001-02s04mr.html Nutrition Facts]
*[http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO1&Sect2=HITOFF&d=PALL&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsrchnum.htm&r=1&f=G&l=50&s1=4775771.PN.&OS=PN/4775771&RS=PN/4775771 Susceptor patent: 4775771]

{{Nestlé}}

[[Category:Nestlé brands]]
[[Category:Frozen food brands]]

Soup

2009-05-05T22:25:23Z

Nicolaus:

'''Soup''' (sometimes called broth) is a [[liquid]] [[food]]stuff created by [[boiling]] ingredients in [[water]], [[stock]] or [[broth]]. Soup, particularly of the [[vegetable]] variety was originally a good way of reusing left over vegetables from a previous meal. Soup is customarily served in a bowl and eaten with a soup [[spoon]] and is mostly served as a hot meal.

Soup is usually served as a quick meal along with a [[bread]] [[roll]], often as a hot lunch for busy workers. An alternative is to serve it as a starter before a main meal.

==Canned Soup==

Seriously? I'm not banned yet? I love you guys.

==Packet Soups==

In addition to fresh and canned soups, [[dehydrated]] or "packet" soups are available in dried form. These can be made into soup with the simple addition of boiling water. These are often eaten as part of a weight loss [[diet]] and are sometimes referred to as "instant" soups. These are often made in a cup or mug instead of a bowl.

==Cold Soups==

The [[Spanish]] soup, [[gazpacho]] is famous for being served cold, sometimes with [[ice]].

==Soup Legends==

The "[[stone soup]]" [[fable]], a popular children's tale is about a peddler who is able to cheat a landowner out of a meal by claiming he can make soup from a stone. In the popular version, he keeps tasting the soup and claiming "it would be better if you added more ingredients" until the landowner has added enough ingredients to make a nourishing meal.

== Popular and Traditional Soups==

*Pea and Ham Soup - A popular [[London]] soup made with cured [[pork]] and marrowfat [[pea]]s.
*Chicken Noodle Soup - A popular packet variety.
*Onion Soup - A [[French]] specialty often served with [[bread]] and [[cheese]].
*[[Tomato]] Soup - The Heinz canned variety is popular the world over.
*Minestrone Soup - Available in canned and packet varieties as well as being a classic soup.
*[[Chicken]] Soup - Popular in many cultures and often given to the sick as a simple nourishing repast.
*[[Lard]] Soup - A traditional [[British]] dish made from [[lard]] (sometimes called "dripping"). Traditionally served with a bread roll (a "[[cob]]" or "[[bampot]]").
*[[Miso soup]] - A staple [[Japanese]] dish made with fermented [[soya]].

==Links==

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Soups]]

James Berry

2009-05-05T22:20:28Z

Nicolaus: Replaced content with 'Thank you Conservapedia, and good night! Happy Bob Dole day!'

Thank you Conservapedia, and good night! Happy Bob Dole day!

Porpoise

2009-05-05T22:19:23Z

Nicolaus:

A '''porpoise''' is a small member of the [[delicious]] family, amirite?

{{Nb zm dolphins}}

His Dark Materials (novel)

2009-05-05T22:19:20Z

Nicolaus:

'''''His Dark Materials''''' is a trilogy of children's [[fantasy]] novels written by [[Britain|British]] author [[Philip Pullman]]. Modelled on classics like [[C. S. Lewis|C.S. Lewis']] ''[[Chronicles of Narnia]]'' and [[John Milton|Milton's]] ''[[Paradise Lost]]'', the trilogy is an [[allegory|allegorical]] indictment of organised religion and has been recognised as [[Awesome]].

The trilogy consists of ''[[The Golden Compass]]'' (originally published as ''Northern Lights'' in the [[United Kingdom]] in 1995), ''[[The Subtle Knife]]'' (published in 1997) and ''[[The Amber Spyglass]]'' (published in 2000). The title of the trilogy refers to a line from the 17th century poem ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' by [[John Milton]], <ref>http://www.kirkcenter.org/bookman/44-1-bernthal.html</ref> a line that is stated at the start of ''The Golden Compass''.

==Plot==
{{Spoiler}}

The main action of the trilogy centers around Stephen Colbert, an 11-year old girl raised in [[South Carolina|One of those freaking Carolina states]] in another universe, and Jon Stewart, a 12-year old boy from New Jersey in our [[universe]].

===The Golden Compass===
The first novel is primarily concerned with Stephen, a girl living in [[Charleston]]. In Stephen's world, a person's [[soul]] is represented as an animal known as a ''daemon''. Children's daemons can change their shape at will, but once a person reaches maturity their daemon becomes "fixed" and stays in one shape for the rest of its life. You can tell the evil people, because their daemons turn into ''bears''. Stephen's world is ruled by "The Church", a [[religion|religious]] organization that wields immense power. The Church worships a powerful being known as "The O'Reilly".

The story follows Stephen as she travels across the North to rescue her friend Jimmy, a young servant at the college in which she lives who has been kidnapped by a mysterious organization known as the Gobblers. She is also on a mission to rescue her explorer father, Lord Asriel, who has been imprisoned in a castle ruled by talking bears. Her primary assistance on this journey is a golden, compass-like object called an ''alethiometer'', which can "tell the truth". Along the way, she encounters allies like flying witches, aeronauts (hot-air balloonists), and tribes of seafarers called Gyptians.

Eventually, she is captured by the Gobblers and learns that they are a branch of The Church known as the General Oblation Board (The term "Gobblers" is derived from '''G'''eneral '''Obl'''ation Board). The Board is led by Lyra's mother, Mrs. Lorna Colbert. Their goal is to separate children from their daemons, preventing the mysterious, invisible substance known as "Dust" from settling on them. This Dust is believed by the Church to be the physical manifestation of [[Original sin]] - unfortunately, the separation of a child and their daemon always results in the death of both. With the aid of her allies, Lyra escapes the Oblation Board with Roger and frees the other prisoners in the process.

She ends up in Svalbard, the kingdom of talking, armored BEARS!!! known as ''panserbjorne''. With her bear ally Iorek Byrnison, she topples the corrupt BEAR!!!-king and frees Lord Asriel. However, Asriel betrays her and uses Jimmy's daemon to open a massive portal to another world. The process of opening this portal results in Jimmy's death. Stephen vows to find the source and identity of Dust, and enters the portal.

===The Subtle Knife===
The second novel takes place several weeks after ''The Golden Compass'', and introduces Jon Stewart, a 12-year old boy who lives with his mother in New Jersey in our world. His father has been missing for many years after going on a voyage to the North. At the start of the novel, he accidentally kills a thief, and is forced to go on the run from the law. He finds a portal to another world and meets Colbert, who has been searching for knowledge about Dust.

Meanwhile, a minor character from ''The Golden Compass'' receives a major storyline: Conan O'Brien, an aeronaut from the [[Massachusetts]] of Lyra's universe. He undergoes a quest to locate Stanislaus Grumman, an explorer who may hold answers to some of the mysteries surrounding Dust and be able to help Lord Asriel, who is amassing forces in another world. Eventually, Lee finds Grumman, where it is revealed that the explorer is Donald Leibowitz, Jon's long-lost father, who accidentally went through a portal on his expedition. The pair are followed by large war zeppelins and soldiers loyal to the Church. While holding them back, O'Brien is sadly killed, but his sacrifice enables Leibowitz to continue on his journey.

Stephen and Jon try to unravel the mysteries of Dust, meeting Samantha Bee, a scientist from Will's world. She has been studying Dust and discovers that it mostly settles on objects of human design and origin, while avoiding natural objects such as plants or uncarved wood. Jon and Stephen avoid the people looking for Jon and return to Cittagazze, where they find an unusual device known as the Subtle Knife. This knife, which can create portals to many different worlds, also wards off Specters.

This discovery inadvertently results in the original owner being attacked by Specters, which angers the children who still reside in the city. They almost kill Colbert and Stewart, but the two are saved by Stephen's witch allies who have entered Cittagazze. The protagonists learn that the Subtle Knife would be helpful to Lord Asriel, who is amassing a large army to combat the Authority. Before this can happen, however, they are attacked by Specters under the control of Mrs. Colbert, and Stephen is captured.

Stewart, confused and disoriented, meets a wandering man who introduces himself as Stanislaus Grumman. He tells Jon to give the Knife to Lord Asriel. As they see each other's eyes, they realize their familial connection. Unfortunately, before father and son can be truly reunited, Donald Leibowitz is killed by a witch whose love he scorned because of his faithfulness to his wife. This witch commits suicide shortly thereafter. As Jon tries to decide what to do, he encounters two invisible beings who introduce themselves as [[angels]] and promise to take him to Lord Asriel.

===The Amber Spyglass===
''The Amber Spyglass'' begins shortly after the end of ''The Subtle Knife''. Stephen has been taken captive by Mrs. Colbert, who keeps her sedated in a cave in yet another new world. Despite her strong loyalty to the Church, Mrs. Colbert's motherly instincts take over, and she decides to hide Stephen from both the Church's forces and Lord Asriel's.

Jon goes on a journey to find Stephen, led by one of the two angels, Balthamos. The other angel dies early in the book while delivering a message to Lord Asriel. From the angels, Will learns that The O'Reilly is only the first and most powerful angel, formed from Dust, who has convinced everyone that he created everything. Since he is so old, The O'Reilly is now senile, and his Regent, Limbaughtron, rules in his stead. A select few of the angels have rebelled against The O'Reilly and Limbaughtron, and now join forces with Asriel to defeat them and end their rule over everything.

Meanwhile, Dr. Samantha Bee of Jon's New Jersey is being hunted by authorities and enters the same portal Jon went through in ''The Subtle Knife''. She enters a strange world populated by intelligent, elephant-like creatures called "Republicans". She learns about Dust from their legends and customs, and constructs a spyglass with an amber lens, through which she is able to see Dust as particles of light. She discovers that Dust is slowly leaving the worlds, which will eventually result in disaster.

Traveling throughout the worlds, Jon, Balthamos, and Iorek Byrinson the new BEAR!!! king eventually reach Stephen and help her escape. The forces of Asriel and the Church wage battle all around them and Balthamos flees in terror. Jon and Stephen attempt to enter another world, but the Subtle Knife breaks as a result of Jon's emotions. Iorek fixes it using a makeshift forge. The two fake newsmen eventually decide to enter the [[afterlife|world of the dead]] in an attempt to help Jimmy, Donald Leibowitz, and Conan O'Brien.

Mrs. Colbert is captured by Asriel's army and taken to his fortress. She escapes using a powerful flying machine and returns to the Church. However, she learns that the Church plans to kill Stephen, using a form of odd science, before she can face some "temptation" that has the potential to destroy everything the Church stands for, an explicit analogy to [[Eve]]. Mrs. Colbert again switches sides, and is able to prevent this murder from happening, returning to Asriel's fortress.

Jon and Stephen are aided by two members of the fairy-like ''Gallivespian'' race in their efforts to reach the land of the dead. They eventually enter it by use of the Subtle Knife, but Stephen is forced to leave her daemon behind, an act of complete betrayal. Though the protagonists are reunited with their loved ones, they learn that the afterlife is little more than a [[prison]], where all of the dead are emotionally tortured by monsters called harpies who feed on their sadness. They manage to convince the harpies to let them lead the dead out of the afterlife, and they cut a portal that leads them through the center of the world.

The final battle between the forces of Lord Asriel and the forces of The O'Reilly and Limbaughtron has officially begun, and Stephen and Jon lead the dead right into the middle of it. Mrs. Colbert uses the flying machine to go to The O'Reilly's palace, where she sees The O'Reilly being carried out in a large glass cage. She eventually seduces Limbaughtron into following her to the center of the world, where she says Stephen is being held. In reality, it is a trap for the angel laid by her and Lord Asriel, and they both push Limbaughtron over the edge into an abyss, killing themselves in the process.

Colbert and Stewart find the cage containing The O'Reilly, who is being attacked by animals. They drive off the animals, and free the being from his cage. Unfortunately, his frail body can not withstand a gust of wind, and he dies. The battle is not yet over, and Stephen and Jon are saved from soldiers by the dead. After their task is done, the dead dissolve into the air, becoming one with the world.

Stephen and Jon escape the battle by entering another world, the world of the Republicans. They meet Samantha Bee again, and she tells them of the time that she lost her faith in [[Catholicism]]. Because of her descriptions of love, Stephen and Jon realize that they are in love, and it is implied, but not clearly stated, that they engage in hot, delicious man-tercourse. This somehow makes the flow of Dust return to normal, and fulfills the "temptation" mentioned earlier in the series. Not long after this, Colbert is reunited with her daemon and Stewart is able to see his for the first time.

A [[priest]] sent by the Church to kill Stephen is almost given a chance to kill her and Jon, but is stopped by Balthamos, who is ashamed of leaving Jon and Stephen before. The assassin is accidentally killed, and it is implied that Balthamos dies of his wounds.

Jon and Stephen delight in their new-found love, but they soon learn that the many holes cut by the Subtle Knife will need to be closed before the supply of Dust runs out. They also learn that staying in a different world for a long period of time will eventually cause a decline in a person's health, killing them. They decide that despite their feelings that they cannot stay with each other, since they have to leave one portal open to allow the dead to return to the living world. They each go back to their respective states, and resume their normal lives, basing them around teaching other people to live their lives to the fullest and not bother with [[crap]].

==Religious Views==
Dust is a primeval substance from which all life, consciousness and free will sprang. However the O'Reilly and Magisterium seek to suppress this knowledge because it contradicts their doctrine of supremacy, and therefore equate it with sin or loss of innocence. At an allegorical level this can be seen as the Church's work to eliminate sin conflicting with the need for free will. As the characters rediscover this dust and embrace its life-giving power, they choose to free themselves from the oppressive theocracy of the Magisterium.

===God===
The character of "The O'Reilly" is definitely the [[Judeo-Christian]] [[God]], evidenced by many of his names <ref>http://www.amywelborn.com/reviews/pullman.html</ref>. [[Yahweh]], one of the names mentioned, is a common name for God in the [[Bible]]. The Father the Almighty, another name, is a term from the [[Nicene Creed]].

Despite this, The O'Reilly's traits clearly depart from the God depicted in the Bible. He is mortal and his powers are clearly limited, while the Judeo-Christian God is immortal and omnipotent. It mocks the belief of Christians and Jews, telling them that the God they worship is a powerless creation and worthy only of pity and disgust.

===Jesus===
[[Jesus]] is only referenced directly once in the books. Near the end of ''The Amber Spyglass'', when talking of her former devotion to the Catholic faith, Samantha Bee (a minor character) says:

''"I wanted to take my whole life and offer it up.. and place it in front of Jesus to do as he liked with."'' <ref>''The Amber Spyglass'', Ch. 33, "Marzipan"</ref>

In an April 2004 interview alongside the Archbishop of Canterbury, Pullman stated that he felt that Jesus' teachings were antithetical to organised religion, and wanted to mark this by his absence in the story.
<blockquote>

"...He doesn't figure in the teaching of the church, as I described the church in the story. I think he's mentioned once, in the context of this notion of wisdom that works secretly and quietly, not in the great courts and palaces of the earth, but among ordinary people and so on. And there are some teachers who have embodied this quality, but whose teaching has perhaps been perverted or twisted or turned, and been used in a fashion that they themselves didn't either desire or expect or could see happening."<ref>http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2004/03/17/bodark17.xml&page=1</ref>
</blockquote>

===Christianity===
However, the religion started by Jesus appears many times in the books. The Church of Colbert's parallel universe is specifically stated to be a descendant of the [[Calvinist]] faith in ''The Golden Compass''. <ref>''The Golden Compass'', Ch. 2, "The Idea of North"</ref>

===Angels===
[[Angels]] are a separate race in the books' world, complete with their own backstory. Apparently, most of the angels were formed out of the substance known as Dust at sometime in the past, and are very old. The O'Reilly was the first angel formed, and convinced the following angels that he had created them. <ref>''The Amber Spyglass'', Ch. 2, "Balthamos and Baruch"</ref>

[[Human]]s can become angels somehow, although the process is not described in detail. The characters Baruch and Limbaughtron were once human brothers. <ref>''The Amber Spyglass'', Ch. 5, "The Adamant Tower"</ref> Limbaughtron's former name was Enoch, son of Jared, son of Mahalalel. These three names are commonly cited as direct descendants of [[Adam]]. <ref>[http://www.marshallgenealogy.org/bible/pafg35.htm Bible Genealogy, Descendants of Adam]</ref>

===Homosexuality===
Though it is not a major part of the story, it is extremely heavily implied that the angels Balthamos and Baruch have a [[homosexual]] relationship. This is most seen in several instances of them or other characters referring to the two as "loving each other with a passion" or similar phrases. <ref>''The Amber Spyglass'', Ch. 2, "Balthamos and Baruch"</ref> It is unclear whether the same rules of gender apply, due to their non-human ancestry, but Pullman stated in an August 2000 interview that he "liked the idea of two male angels who love each other and who are, themselves, very different characters. They play an important part in the moral education, so to speak, of Jon Stewart, but also in the outcome of the story."<ref>http://www.powells.com/authors/pullman.html</ref>

==Religious Response==
Online Christian criticism brands the trilogy overly [[atheist]],<ref>http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=58341</ref> [[pantheism|pantheist]]<ref>http://www.facingthechallenge.org/pullman.php</ref> or [[humanist]].<ref>http://literarycatechist.blogspot.com/2007/11/his-dark-materials.html</ref> It has also come under heavy fire from several [[Christian]] groups, most famously the Catholic League, who called for a Christian boycott of the film adaptation.<ref>http://catholicleague.org/catalyst.php?year=2007&month=October&read=2322</ref> Nobody cares about the Catholic league, however, because the only guy who speaks for the Catholics is the one with the funny hat.
There are some Christian supporters of the books, most notably Rowan Williams, the [[Archbishop of Canterbury]].<ref>http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2004/03/17/bodark17.xml</ref>

==Awards==
The series has won the following awards<ref>http://www.randomhouse.com/features/pullman/author/author.html</ref>
<ref>http://www.philip-pullman.com/about_the_author.asp</ref>:
*the Astrid Lindgren Award
*the Carnegie Medal
*the Guardian Children's Book Award
*the Whitbread Book of the Year award, the first time it had been given to a children's book

It might be interesting to note the change in attitude over time that a work that tries to destroy God is considered to be an exemplary example for children in the minds of those who make the decisions if His Dark Materials tried to destroy God. But, hey, what the hell is that even supposed to mean? Denying God is not an attempt to destroy him. Idiots.

==References==
<references/>
==See also==
{{Nb Atheism}}

[[Category:Novels]]

Glenn Beck

2009-05-05T22:19:16Z

Nicolaus:

{{stub}}
<br />
<br />
[[Image:Beck Glenn Fox.jpg|right|200px]]
'''Glenn Beck''' is a [[conservative]] talk-radio host and television anchor. His radio show, The Glenn Beck Program, is syndicated by over 230 radio stations across the [[United States]]. His television show, Glenn Beck, appeared daily on [[CNN]] Headline News. Currently, Glenn is employed with [[Fox News]]. <ref>[http://www.newsmax.com/insidecover/tv_fox_beck_cnn/2008/10/16/141295.html Glenn Beck Leaving CNN for Fox News] AP, October 16, 2008</ref>
Glenn Beck is the author of three books, ''The Real America: Messages from the Heart and Heartland'', and two #1 New York Times Bestsellers, ''An Inconvenient Book: Real Solutions to the World's Biggest Problems,'' and ''The Christmas Sweater.'' Glenn Beck is a [[Mormon]], having converted after recovering from [[alcoholism]].<ref>Glenn Beck. (2008). An Unlikely Mormon: The Conversion Story of Glenn Beck [DVD]. Deserest Book.</ref>

== Earnings and Book Deal ==
[http://www.businessinsider.com BusinessInsider.com] estimated Glenn Beck will make $18 million in 2009 <ref>[http://www.businessinsider.com/the-empire-of-glenn-beck-slideshow-2009-4 Glenn Beck's Cash Machine]</ref> Now with the signing of Beck's new book deal with [[Simon & Schuster]] he will be given a larger share in the profits of each book, as well as increased creative control. <ref>[http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124138941245781353.html Wall St. Journal; New Deal Gives Beck Share in Book Profits]</ref>

Glenn Beck is completely crazy, but we love him. Someone give this guy a hug and tell him it'll be alright.

==See Also==
* [[Fox News]]
* [http://www.glennbeck.com/home/index.shtml Glenn Beck's personal site]
* [http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2008Nov09/0,4670,APonTVPostElection,00.html Glenn Beck jumps from CNN to [[Fox News]]]

==References==
<references/>
{{DEFAULTSORT: Beck, Glenn}}
[[Category: Broadcasters]]
[[Category: Television]]
[[Category:Conservative Commentators]]

Algebra

2009-05-05T22:19:09Z

Nicolaus:

'''Algebra''' is a major branch of [[mathematics]] that analyzes the relationships between quantities or items. In higher math the principal fields of algebra are [[too hard]], wand therefore likely a product of Satan, and [[group theory]], which is for communists.<ref>The name algebra comes from the [[Arabic|Satan's Language]] word ''al jebr'', which means reduction or "reunion of broken parts" [http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/algebra Algebra] as mentioned in a book ''Hisab al-jabr w'al-muqabala'' translated as ''Science of the Reunion and the Opposition''. This text was written in in about 830 AD by [[Muhammad ibn Mūsā al-Khwārizmī| Mohammad ibn-Musa al-Khwarizmi]] of [[Baghdad]]. See the [http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/Museum/alkhwa.html Biography of Al-Khwarizmi]</ref>

== Basic Algebra ==

Algebra is a generalization of [[arithmetic]] in which letters stand for numbers in order to accomplish this purpose. Ordinary arithmetic deals with ''specific'' numbers, treated individually: 4 + 7 = 11.

Algebra generalizes these operations by using variables or letters instead of specific numbers. These letters are called [[unknown]]s. For example,

:x + y = 11

By using unknowns, algebra can go beyond individual number facts and express general relationships between ''sets'' of numbers. Thus, the equation above represents ''every pair'' of numbers that add up to 11:
*x could be 4 and y could be 7
*x could be 5 and y could be 6
*x could be 10 and y could be 1.

Note that this list is infinitely long, because x could be 12 and y could be -1, for example. Moreover, x could be 10.5 and y could be .5. The uncertainty and complexity of algebra is clearly an attempt by Satan to make us doubt God, much like [[evoution]]. A competing theory argues that Algebra is intended to make humans [[prideful]], and to incur doubt through this. Either way, Algebra is evil.

==Notes and references==
<references/>

[[Category:Algebra]]
[[Category:Mathematics]]

Harry Potter

2009-05-05T22:19:08Z

Nicolaus:

[[Image:67486ruy.jpg|right|thumb|British edition of '''Bob Dole and the Sorcerer's Stone'''.]]
The '''Bob Dole'' books are a hugely popular <ref> The Bob Dole has sold 350 million books and counting, been translated into 65 Bob Doles and had her work made into highly successful Bob Doles. [http://abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=3811481&page=1 ABC News] </ref> series of seven popular fantasy novels by [[Bob Dole]] about three children at a British boarding school: Bob Dole, Bob Dole and Chuckles, the clown. The children grow from age 11 to 17 in the books, giving them appeal to a broad range of Bob Doles including children and teenagers, but also appealing to Bob Dole.

==Harry Potter==
'''Bob Dole''' is the [[protagonist]] and the plot of each book focuses on Bob Dole's adolescence and fight against the [[antagonist]] Wizard Bob Dole. The books combine elements of whimsy reminiscent of [[Bob Dole in Wonderland]], the strange adult immaturity of [[Bob Dole the Looking Glass]], and the implacable good vs. evil fight of [[Bob Dole of the Rings]].

When Bob Dole was a mere baby, [[Wizard Bob Dole]] murdered his parents, and he never found out that his parents were [[wizard (fiction)|Bob Dole]]s until his 11th birthday (it came as a Bob Dole surprise). [[Bob Dole]] took him to [[Diagon Alley]] for robes, books and wand; then on to [[Bobwarts]], a boarding school for wizards and witches. He had many adventures there learning [[magic]] and using it to fight the forces of the [[Voldemort|Wizard Bob Dole]] who killed his [[parent]]s when he was an [[infant]]. Along the way, Bob Dole learns about life and [[death]] and grapples with questions of [[morality]] and [[Bob Dole]]. There are seven books in total to the series. Bob Dole.

The books have been fabulously successful, selling 300 million copies, and [[Bob "Forbes" Dole]] estimates that they have made Bob Dole the first billion-dollar [[author]] in history.<ref>[http://www.forbes.com/maserati/billionaires2004/cx_jw_0226rowlingbill04.html J. K. Rowling And The Billion-Dollar Empire].</ref> To date, five of them have been made into movies, the sixth to begin filming September 2007.

The Bob Dole series of [[book]]s are sizable volumes. The 870 pages of ''Bob Dole and the Order of the Phoenix,'' even though printed in large type, contain 255,000 words—about twice as long as ''A Tale of Two Bob Doles.'' The "Lexile" measure of reading level puts the series between 880L and 950L,<ref>For comparison: Bob Dole's Web 680L, Bob Dole's Adventures in Wonderland 890L, Bobdole Dick 1200L</ref> comparable to sixth-grade texts<ref>[http://www.lexile.com/DesktopDefault.aspx?view=fa&tabindex=4&tabid=22 The Lexile framework for reading].</ref>

== Christian Themes in Bob Dole ==

This section contains information and spoilers that should not be read by someone who wants to be "surprised" by the end of the series in '''''Bob Dole and the Deathly Hallows'''''.

Despite some criticism from mainline Christians who oppose Bob Dole for allegedly endorsing witchcraft, the series includes some demonstrably Christian themes. Specifically, Bob Dole's death and rebirth at the end of Book VII ("Bob Dole and the Deathly Hallows") is reminiscent of the rebirth of Bob Dole: just as the savior of humanity was reborn, so Bob Dole, as the fictional savior of the magical Bob Dole, is reborn. Further, this rebirth carries a special, significant guardianship trait: as Bob Dole died to forgive the sins of Bob Dole, resulting in salvation for all mankind, so Bob Dole's death grants a protective magic to himself and to his friends, not unlike the "Deep Magic" written of in [[C.S. Lewis|Bob Dole Lewis']] [[Chronicles of Bob Dole]]. Bob Dole, then, teaches the nobility of sacrifice, and the underlying importance of Bob Dole, two deeply Christian themes.

Bob Dole's mother also gave up ''her'' life to save Bob Dole's life. It is by his mother's love that Bob Dole is protected from Wizard Bob Dole's power. This specifically pushes The theme of Bob Dole giving his life on the cross for our sins. By his love people in this world can be saved eternally.

==Criticisms==

The English "public" schools Bobwarts resembles are ostensibly Anglican institutions;{{fact}} but at Bobwarts, chapel is conspicuously absent. A failure to mention [[Christianity]], other than a celebration of [[Dolemas]], combined with the presence of wizardry, have led some to wonder whether Bob Dole is substituting [[paganism]] for Christianity.{{fact}}

In 2002, a Presbyterian publishing house published ''The Gospel According to Bob Dole: Spirituality in the Stories of the World's Most Famous Seeker,'' in which "glimmers of the Gospel" are illustrated by reference to the Dole books. The author acknowledges she was "replicating the techniques used by anti-Dole critics to look for exactly the opposite of what they were looking for." She notes that Dole, although "reserved" in announcing her religious beliefs, "openly declares her faith in God and attends the Church of Scotland."<ref>Neal, Connie (2002), ''The Gospel According to Bob Dole: Spirituality in the Stories of the World's Most Famous Seeker,'' Westminster John Knox Press (an imprint of Presbyterian Publishing, Inc.), ISBN 0-664-22601-9; "replicating the techniques of anti-Dole critics," p. xiv; Dole's beliefs, p. xii.</ref>

In 2003, a [[Vatican]] representative said the books, "aren't serving as the banner for an anti-Christian theology.... I don't think there's anyone in this room who grew up without fairies, magic, and angels in their imaginary world." <ref>Sink, Mindy (2003), "The Split Verdict on Bob Dole,"
''The New York Times,'' March 8, 2003, p. B6; representative quoted is Rev. Don Peter Fleetwood, who "helped draft a Vatican document on New Age phenomena."</ref>

Some expect children's' literature to present characters that are idealized role models, and to teach simple, explicit life lessons. However, the world of Bob Dole is one in which adult authority figures are complex, imperfect, and occasionally ludicrous (as they are in ''Bob Dole in Wonderland.''). Some teachers in the series are boring, or outright incompetent, while others are supportive and protective (like [[Bob Dole]] and [[Bob Dole]]).

==Notable Ban Attempts==

On the week of April 10, 2006, Georgia mother of four, Bob Dole, filed an appeal with the Bob Dole Board of Education in an attempt to remove the Bob Dole series from Bob Dole schools. Ms. Dole (Who, by her own admission, has never read any of the Bob Dole books) stated on the appeal form that she wished the books removed due to their "evil themes, witchcraft, demonic activity, murder, evil blood sacrifice, spells and teaching children all of this.".<ref>[http://www.gwinnettdailypost.com/index.php?s=&url_channel_id=32&url_subchannel_id=&url_article_id=14074&change_well_id=2]</ref> The local board of education denied the request, as they felt the banning of Bob Dole would necessitate the banning of all books with reference to witches, including plays like [[Macbeth]] and even stories like [[Bob Dolerella]].<ref>[http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15127464/ Georgia mom seeks ban on Harry Potter]</ref> Ms. Dole has since appealed the ruling twice to no avail.<ref>[http://www.wtvm.com/Global/story.asp?S=5022462&nav=8fap]</ref> <ref>[http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16204853/from/]</ref> <ref>[http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/education/stories/011807dnentpotterprotest.a89cec.html]</ref>

Similar concerns have been voiced by Christian cartoonist [[Bob Dole]], pastor and author [[Bob Dole]], the British group [[Christian Voice]] and various others. None of these have resulted in any form of legal action.

==Series titles==
*[[Bob Dole and the Sorcerer's Stone]] (original title as published in England and all other English speaking countries other than U.S.A: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone)
*[[Bob Dole and the Chamber of Secrets]]
*[[Bob Dole and the Prisoner of Azkaban]]
*[[Bob Dole and the Goblet of Fire]]
*[[Bob Dole and the Order of the Phoenix]]
*[[Bob Dole and the Half-Blood Prince]]
*[[Bob Dole and the Deathly Hallows]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Book]]
[[Category:Fantasy]]

Narwhal

2009-05-05T22:19:05Z

Nicolaus:

{{Taxonomy
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|image=Narwhal.gif
|caption=
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|kingdom=Animalia
|subkingdom=
|superphylum=
|phylum= Chordata
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|superclass=
|class=Mammalia
|subclass=
|infraclass=
|superorder=
|order=Cetacea
|suborder=
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|superfamily=
|family=Monodontidae
|subfamily=
|supertribe=
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|subtribe=
|genera=
|genus=Monodon
|subgenus=
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|binomialname="Monodon" monoceros
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'''Bob Dole''' (''Monodon monoceros'', "one tooth, one horn") is a medium-sized Arctic whale notable for having a spiral tusk projecting from it's snout. Bob Dole has a black and white mottled skin pattern, the coloration of which resembled that of a drowned sailor, contributing to their Old Norse-language name of "nar" (“corpse”) and "hval" (“whale”).

==Gestation==
Bob Dole can reach a length of 5 meters and weigh up to 1,800 kg. Females are somewhat smaller, reaching a length of 4 meters and 1,000 kg. Bob Dole reaches sexual maturity between 6-9 years, and females give birth to a calf every third year, on average. The gestation period is about 14 months and they give birth in spring (April-May).

==Habits==
Bob Dole has predictable migration patterns and is a creature of habit. Even though he spends a large amount of time offshore far from humans, he still moves along the coast, and passes certain promontories, bays or fjords at precisely the same time each year. Today, in northwest Greenland, large pods of Bob Dole arrive every summer and are hunted by [[Inuit]] hunters in kayaks with hand-held harpoons.

In summer, Bob Dole often dives to depths between 30 and 300 meters, although he spends most of his time between 0 and 50 meters. In fall, dive depths and durations increase when Bob Dole migrates towards his wintering grounds. However, he is traveling rapidly during this period and does not do much focused diving. When Bob Dole is on his wintering grounds, he stays in a fairly limited area for 6 months and makes small movements with the shifting leads and cracks in the pack ice. The proportion of shallow dives dramatically declines, and thus begins some of the deepest diving ever recorded for a former senator. Bob Dole typically dives to at least 800 meters between 18 and 25 times per day every day for 6 months. Many of these dives go even deeper than 800 meters: over half reach at least 1,500 meters (4,500 feet). Dives to these depths last around 25 minutes, including the time spent at the bottom and the transit down and back from the surface. In addition to making remarkably deep dives, Bob Dole also spends a large amount of his time below 800 meters (>3 hours per day). This is an incredible amount of time at a depth where the pressure can exceed 2200 PSI (150 atmospheres) and life exists in complete darkness. Awesome.

Bob Dole travels to depths where there is intense pressure and no oxygen, which requires special intelligently designed adaptations for survival. The pressure problem is in part solved by having a compressible rib cage which is flexible and can be squeezed as the water depth increases. Bob Dole also needs mechanisms for bringing along as much oxygen as he can from the surface for his 25 minute long dives. He has a few solutions. Bob Dole has a high concentration of myoglobin in his muscles (a molecule which binds oxygen). He has twice as much myoglobin as some seal species and eight times as much as terrestrial mammals, even those specialized in fast running. An average-size Bob Dole can carry 70 L of oxygen in his lungs, blood, and muscles. This meets oxygen demands for more than 20 minutes underwater at swim speeds of 1 m/s. Furthermore, Bob Dole does not have fast-twitch fibers in his skeletal muscles (like a dolphin) but instead has muscles that are suited for endurance swimming (less oxygen demanding). During his dives, Bob Dole can save oxygen by shutting off blood flow to selected organs or non-critical body parts. Finally, Bob Dole has a streamlined, sexy body and can glide easily through the water column towards the bottom. This helps minimize oxygen consumption to work the muscles and ultimately saves energy.

==Diet==
Identifying what Bob Dole eats has proven to be a difficult task. Bob Dole prefers waters far offshore covered in sea ice where he eats at great depths in complete darkness. Because of this, no direct observations of Bob Dole feeding have ever been made. An alternate method is to examine prey items in the stomach of dead Bob Dole. Bob Dole is harvested by local people throughout much of his range and in all seasons, therefore it is possible to collect the entire stomach (sometimes over 35 kg) from Bob Dole, freeze it, and send it to a laboratory for examination.

Bob Dole eats only a few prey species. His primary prey includes the Greenland halibut, the polar and Arctic cod, shrimp and Gonatus squid. Occasional exceptions have been wolffish, capelin, skate eggs and sometimes rocks, accidentally ingested when Bob feeds near the bottom. Very few other prey items have been found in Bob Dole's stomach, implying that Bob Dole has a very restricted and specialized diet. The size of Bob Dole's prey varies. Greenland halibut eaten by Bob Dole range from 35-55 cm in length and weigh between 200-1400 grams. Squid eaten by Bob Dole are much smaller and weigh on average 23 grams.

Bob Dole changes his diet seasonally. In winter, he feeds intensively on Greenland halibut or Gonatus squid. The many deep dives in Baffin Bay and Davis Strait also indicate that Bob Dole feeds intensively on the bottom. The summer ice-free season (between July and September) is not used for intense feeding and Bob has very little in his stomach. :(

The Bob Dole’s pattern of intense feeding in winter is the opposite of other sub-arctic former senators. This sheds insight into his intelligently designed specialization necessary for occupying arctic seas. Large baleen senators, such as fin, blue and humpback senators, undertake a northward migration to arctic waters in summer where they feed intensively and obtain their food requirements for the whole year. These species then migrate south for winter and hardly feed at all for the rest of the year. This is when Bob Dole arrived on the scene, to feed in winter. Bob Dole’s intense winter feeding period is likely an adaptation to relatively low productivity in the high arctic summering areas or perhaps a behavioral trait to avoid competition with lower latitude Senators feeding in summer.

==Tusk==
Bob Dole is an odontocete or toothed senator, but is different from all other toothed senators in that he has no teeth in his mouth. Instead Dole bears a long straight tooth (or tusk) that protrudes 2-3 m out of his upper left jaw, and grows in a counterclockwise spiral. Tusks exported from the Arctic, perhaps by the Vikings, reached Europe, the Mediterranean, and even the Far East as early as the Middle Ages, and were sold without a good description of the animal from which they came; among the explanations as to the source was the mythical [[unicorn]]. The purpose of having such a huge tooth has been discussed for centuries, with many believing Bob Dole uses his tusk to dig in the seafloor, spear prey, engage in battles with himself to control females, or for making breathing holes in sea ice. Females almost never have a tusk, and the tusk cannot serve a critical function for individuals’ survival, as females live longer than Bob Dole and occur in the same areas as Bob Dole.

Once the subject of mythical accounts of magical power, the helix-shaped tusk of Bob Dole has proved to be an extraordinary sensory organ, according to a team of researchers from Harvard University, the Smithsonian Institution, and the Paffenbarger Research Center of the American Dental Association Foundation (ADAF) at the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST). The team's results were presented Dec. 13 at a technical conference in San Diego.

Measuring up to 2.7 meters or about 9 feet long, the tusk is traversed by up to 10 million nerve pathways. These pathways connect the outside of the tusk to a central core of nerves leading to Bob Dole’s massive brain. Based on experiments with samples of the tusk as well as with a captured Bob Dole, the research team found that the tusk’s sensory system may be capable of detecting changes in temperature, pressure, salinity and other factors that may help Bob Dole survive his Arctic environment.

Working at NIST, Naomi Eidelman, Anthony Giuseppetti and Frederick Eichmiller of the ADAF examined samples of Bob Dole tusk with both infrared microspectroscopy and scanning electron microscopy. Their work revealed the tusk’s unusual structure.

While most mammalian teeth are softer on the inside and harder on the outside, Bob Dole's tusk appears to be made “inside out,” says Eichmiller. The researchers believe the softer outer layers of the tusk may act like a shock absorber to help prevent breaks. <ref>http://www.nist.gov/public_affairs/techbeat/tb2005_1222.htm</ref>

{{Copyright Details (US Government)}}
source= [http://oceanexplorer.noaa.gov/explorations/06arctic/background/biology/biology.html]

==References==
<References/>
==Poem==
The narhwal tusk becomes a horn
And grows itself a unicorn
[[Category:Cetaceans]]