Mensa (organization)

2008-11-28T00:00:08Z

MatthewK: spelling

== Assfly ==
The [[User:Aschlafly|Assfly]] is a breed of fly that is thought to have [[Evolution|devolved]] from [[Human|Homo sapiens]] sometime in the early 1960s, roughly one thousand nine hundred and sixty years after [[Jesus|this guy]] was imagined as the result of an ice-cream [[John_McCain|headache]].

Assflies are renowned for their disturbing habit of excreting large amounts of [[User_talk:Aschlafly|faecal matter]]. After defecation, the Assfly will generally roll around in this matter in order to spread it as far as possible. [[Humanity|Select groups]] are conflicted over this practice, torn between amusement and bewilderment that any animal would openly display such foolish behavior, instead of using more [http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Paper&oldid=552163 practical methods] of dealing with the faeces.

Many strange traits are associated with Assflies, which serve to highlight the social and political ineptitude of the insect. Examples of these traits include:
* Beliefs in non-existent super beings.
* Being born of a politically backward matriarch.
* Homosexual siblings.
* Unwillingness to accept facts conflicting with its own beliefs, no matter how much proof is offered (known as "[[La_la_la,_I_Can't_Hear_You|La la la, I can't hear you!]]" disorder).
* Alerting the FBI that crimes are being committed, when they in fact are not.
* [[Deceit|Deceitfully]] attempting to hide all evidence that the above behavior exists.

Assfly infestation is very serious, and can lead to [[John_McCain|mental problems]] in those who are in contact with the insect. It is strongly advised to keep children as far away as possible.

Kenneth D. Wald

2008-11-28T00:00:07Z

MatthewK:

[[Image:conservlogo.png|325px|thumb|right|Internet Toilet Paper]]
Toilet paper is [[paper]] specifically designed to remove traces of faeces from the [[human]] lower orifice after [[User:Aschlafly|defecation]]. Toilet paper is designed to decompose in a [[Conservapedia|septic tank]] after use, as opposed to facial [[tissue|tissues]], which are not always by design able to do so.
Toilet paper is known by many names, some of which include "toilet roll", "dunny paper" and "bathroom tissue".

==Ancient Use of Toilet Paper==
Toilet paper has played a large roll in human history, without it, the world would surely have descended into [[Conservapedia|chaos]] long ago. The earliest recorded use (or otherwise) of toilet paper was written by the [[China|Chinese]] scholar, Yan Zhitui during the year 589 AD.
{{Cquote|Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries from Five Classics or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes}}

Before widespread use of toilet paper, many humans would use less gentle methods such as [[leaves]], [[grass]] or even [[shell|seashells]] to deposit their excess leavings.

==Toilet Paper in the Modern Day==
[[Image:ASchlafly.JPG|thumb|175px|left|The current holder of Guiness World Record's "Most Toilet Paper Consumed" record.]]
With the invention of the [[internet]], toilet paper [[technology]] has advanced dramatically. Whereas in past eras people would wipe their excess [[Conservapedia|excrement]] on sheets of [[paper]], certain [[Conservapedia|websites]] have assumed the same role. While much more convenient, the [[Conservapedia|excrement]] remains in plain sight for all to see, this predicament is known as the "Online [[Conservapedia|Septic Tank]]" issue.

[[Humanity|Select groups]] see this problem as humorous, while at the same time believe the [[Conservapedia|online septic waste]] should be dispatched to the sewer, where it belongs. If left unchecked, it is widely believed that the problem could lead to [[John_McCain|catastrophe]] of [[Great_Flood|biblical proportions]]

==Interesting Notes==
Similar to sightings seen in [[food]] products and [[cloud]] formations, likenesses of the [[Mary|Virgin Mother]] have been seen in used toilet paper. Such sightings are said to fortell great [[User:Aschlafly|mental problems]] to the beholder, as is the same with all sightings regardless of medium.

[[Conservapedia]] is responsible for the decimation of approximately one third of all toilet paper manufacturing in the world. This is largely due to the amount of [[Conservapedia|excrement]] deposited to said site instead of [[god|traditional]] methods of removing excess faeces.

Conservapedia - User contributions [en]

Mensa (organization)

Kenneth D. Wald