Conservative

2009-11-17T21:17:55Z

JohnLY:

A '''conservative''' is any individual that adheres to principles of closed-mindedness and completely rational refusal of any sort anti-conservative thoughts. Conservatives are benevolent, just, and morally sound people, unlike those soulless cannibalistic liberals who are trying to take over the world, using brainwashing methods, such as science, to hypnotize the Earth's population and rid the world of mindless acceptance of dated values, and the triumph of independent thought, which is the source of all [[Evil]]. This can be proved logically: In fact, independent thought, due to its skeptical and questioning nature, leads to doubting and possibly refusing all current values in one's life, which could lead to anarchy. Since liberals promote independent thought, it's only logical that liberals are [[Evil]], which is why Conservativism is the ONLY right way of thinking in the entire world. Conservatives are strictly fundamentalist Christians, and ANYBODY who does worships OUR SAME God in A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT way (Jews, Muslims, Orthodox Christians) are evil, and possibly dangerous.

The ''sine qua non'' of a conservative is someone who rises above his personal self-interest and promotes moral and economic values beneficial to all people (who are conservative Christians and already very wealthy). Alternatively, a conservative is willing to learn and advocate the insights of economics and the morality of the Bible for the benefit of all. Since it is obvious that The Bible is THE ONLY SCIENTIFICALLY AND MORALLY precise book in the entire Universe, there is no need for Conservatives to be informed about other ways of thinking before completely refusing them and fighting against them by all means necessary. Specifically, conservatives seek or support:

* [[Classroom prayer]]. God loves those who suck-up to him, and will reward them by sending them to Heaven after death.
* Prohibition of [[abortion]]. Since unborn babies are created by God, they must not be killed.
* Prohibition of eating. To eat, one must ingest the dead remains of other living creatures, animal, fugus or plant. But to kill any of these means destroying the creation of God, which is the ultimate blasphemy. Only people who do not eat will go to Heaven.
* [[Abstinence]] from education
* Traditional marriage, not same-sex marriage
* Respect for differences between men and women, boys and girls. These differences are: Men's superiority, and women's inferiority.
* Laws against pornography. Pornography makes one feel good, and feeling good is a [[sin]].
* The [[Second Amendment]] right to keep and bear arms. Conservatives need weapons to kill dirty immigrants, terrorists, criminals and other kinds of liberals.
* Economic allocative efficiency (as opposed to popular equity. Why should the poor have money? They have survived without it up to now.)
* The death penalty, which is a very useful tool when getting rid of liberals
* Parental control of education, however only if the parents are Conservatives.
* Canceling failed social support programs (charity).
* No world government, which liberals are obviously trying to establish.
* Enforcement of current laws regarding immigration. Immigrants belong in the abyss whence they came from.
* Respect for our military heroes (genocidal maniacs) ... past and present
* Complete rejection of [[junk science]] such as [[evolutionism]] and [[global warming]] (these were created by liberals) , without a second thought and acceptance of [[True Science]], such as Biblical science.
* Low taxes, especially for (rich, Conservative) families.
* A strong army, to be able to invade liberal countries, like Iraq or Afghanistan, and purify them.
==Leaders==
Conservative leaders must NOT BE QUESTIONED. They ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. LIBERALS ARE ALWAYS WRONG.

===Presidents===
Periodically a conservative has been elected president of the United States (During the periods between two conservative presidents, Liberal presidents were elected. The logical conclusion: Periodically a liberal has been elected president of the United States). The most prominent conservative presidents include:
* [[George Washington]] (1789-97)
* [[John Adams]] (1797-1801)
* [[Thomas Jefferson]] (1801-09)
* [[John Quincy Adams]] (1825-29)
* [[Abraham Lincoln]] (1861-65)
*[[Grover Cleveland]] (1885-1889, 1893-1897)
*[[William McKinley]] (1897-1901)
*[[William Howard Taft]] (1909-1913)
*[[Warren G. Harding]] (1921-1923)
*[[Calvin Coolidge]] (1923-1929)
*[[Dwight D. Eisenhower]] (1953-1961)
*[[Ronald Reagan]] (1981-1989)
*[[George W. Bush]] (2001-2009) (with respect to taxes, Supreme Court nominations, and national security)

The most prominent conservative Congresses have been:

*The 80th Congress (elected in 1946)
*The 104th Congress (elected in 1994)
===Movement===
[[Movement conservatives]] are those who mindlessly accept the logic of conservatism across-the-board, and stand up for its powerful principles despite liberal ridicule. Movement conservative activists (sheep) include:
*[[Phyllis Schlafly]], opposed [[ERA]]
*[[Jesse Helms]], Senator, specialist in foreign policy (invading other countries)
*[[Pat Buchanan]], commedian
*[[Jerry Falwell]], religion
*[[Michele Bachmann]], chimpanzee
*[[Ann Coulter]], brainwasher
*[[Rush Limbaugh]], brainwasher
*[[Michelle Malkin]], anti-anti-conservative commentator
*[[Glenn Beck]], brainwasher
===Key leaders===
*[[Barry Goldwater]] - 1964 Republican candidate, lost to liberal Democrat [[Lyndon Johnson]] but revived the conservative movement inside the GOP
*[[Russell Kirk]] - baboon & "politician"
*[[Irving Kristol|Irving]] and [[William Kristol]] - Notable [[neoconservatives]]
*[[Margaret Thatcher]] - British prime minister between 1979 and 1990, held similar views as Reagan. She was killed by Iron Maiden, as is documented on the cover of their second album.
*[[Milton Friedman]] - Chicago-school [[libertarian]] wealthy person, influential during Reagan administration; leader of the [[Chicago School of Idiocy]]
__TOC__ 
==US Voters==
In America, most conservatives support the [[Republican Party]], but not exclusively so. In the 2008 election, 35% of the voters identified themselves as conservatives. Of them, 78% voted for McCain and 20% for Obama, with the 20% accounting for Obama's margin of victory. Only 22% of the voters were liberal; they favored Obama 89%-10%. In the middle were 44% who called themselves moderates, who will burn in [[Hell]] for not being Conservative enough. They split for Obama by 60%-39%. (Minor candidates won 2% of the vote.)<ref> See [http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/results/polls/#USP00p1 Presidential 2008 Exit Poll]</ref> It is partly the Conservatives fault for letting that dictator Obama obtain power... But not because the Conservatives made mistakes, but simply because they were too good to try and stop him.
[[File:Conservative-republican-brain.jpg|thumb|350px]]
===Religious differences between political conservatives and political liberals===
The Barna poll conducted in November 2008 shows significant differences between the 32% of Americans who called themselves as “mostly conservative” on social and political matters; and the 17% who called themselves “mostly liberal” on social and political matters. The others --50%--were moderates with positions somewhere in-between.<ref> See [http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/13-culture/258-survey-shows-how-liberals-and-conservatives-differ-on-matters-of-faith on line results] </ref>

Some findings:
Political liberals are less than half as likely as political conservatives to firmly believe that the Bible is totally accurate (which it MOST CERTAINLY IS) in all of the principles it teaches (27% versus 63%, respectively); to strongly believe that Satan is real (He is, Satan is Obama, folks!) (17% versus 36%); and to firmly contend that they have a personal responsibility to share their religious beliefs with others (23% versus 48%).

[Note: "Liberal" and "conservative" in this survey are based on subjective and 100% biased opinions]

Liberals are also far less likely than conservatives to strongly believe each of the following:
*their religious faith is very important in their life (54% of liberals vs. 82% of conservatives) (It is more than obvious that God, who loves us all, governs are lives, which can be proven by the absence of pain and suffering in the world since the beginning of existence);
*a person cannot earn their way into Heaven by doing good deeds or being a good person, only by being Conservative can this be achieved (23% vs. 37%);
*their faith is becoming an increasingly important moral guide in their life (Only OUR religion is right, screw the others, says The Bible... Obviously a morally just book, just like the Quran) (38% vs. 70%);
*the church they currently attend is very important in helping them find direction and fulfillment in life (37% vs. 62%);
*their primary purpose in life is to love God with all their heart, mind, strength and soul, and not to actually live life, and enjoy yourself a bit, which is a horrible, horrible sin (43% vs. 76%);

political conservatives were more likely than liberals to:
*read the Bible, other than at church events, during the past week (The only way to get a PROPER, UN-BIASED AND RATIONAL EDUCATION) (57% vs. 33%, respectively)
*attend a religious service during the past week (62% vs. 35%)
*pray to God (WHO WILL CERTAINLY ANSWER THEIR PRAYERS, GOD LOVES EACH AND EVERY CONSERVATIVE), other than at a religious service, during the past week (91% vs. 76%)
*share their religious beliefs with others (attempt to convert evil Muslims, Buddhists, Atheists, Satanists, Jews, etc), during the past year (56% vs. 39%, among the born again Christians interviewed from each segment)
*have ever participated in a short-term missions trip, either within the U.S. or in another country (12% vs. 6%)

*2% of conservatives and 11% of liberals were atheist, agnostic or Satanist (therefore, pure evil)
*15% of conservatives and 2% of liberals were Christians.
*conservatives were twice as likely as liberals to be categorized as born again, based on their theological views about salvation (63% vs. 32%)
*21% of conservatives were associated with the Catholic church, compared to 30% among the liberals. (Proof that only Christian PROTESTANTS will go to Heaven)

== Conservative news organizations ==
Some of the more notable news organizations which tend to be more conservative are [[WorldNetDaily]] and [[NewsMax]]. [[Fox News]], though often called conservative, tends to be more [[neoconservative]] than [[conservative]]. All of these are completely un-biased, and objective, as compared to every other news organization in the world, which uses subliminal messages to make people become dirty liberals.

== Conservative magazines ==
Well known conservative magazines in the United States include ''[[National Review]]'', ''[[Policy Review]]'', ''[[The Weekly Standard]]'' and others. All of these are completely un-biased, and objective, as compared to every other magazine in the world, which uses subliminal messages to make people

== Neoconservatives ==

American commentators who ally themselves with the conservative movement but reject its religious or moral underpinnings are generally known as [[neoconservatives]]. They will burn in Hell, for not being Conservative enough.<ref>Jonah Goldberg, [http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=ZWMxNWNiNDJkY2JmNTExY2E1MzdkYWU3MWU1MTBiOGU= "What Is a 'Conservative'?"], [[National Review|National Review Online]], 11 May 2005</ref>

In the United States, conservatives are generally characterized by the following beliefs:

# Support of limited government.
# A preference for freedom of opportunity over equality of result.
# Nationalism (also known as racism), and support of a strong defense (army, which will be used to invade other inferior countries).
# Support of the institution of marriage. Men and women must not even look at each other if not married.
# Emphasis on social values, like prayer (sucking-up to God instead of trying to solve your problems on your own) and pro-life principles (such as killing communists and other liberals).

In contrast, neoconservatives generally support bigger government and globalism (slavery), and tend to downplay the significance of social values.

== Paleoconservatives ==

[[Paleoconservatives]] are racists from the Paleolithic era, who are more focused on opposing [[multiculturalism]], and suspicious of both big government and big business. They also lean more towards isolating America from the problems of other continents. Neoconservatives might criticize this as "isolationism", as they believe we can promote [[democracy]] (Conservative dictatorship) worldwide.

Among paleoconservatives was Democratic Caveman from Georgia, [[Larry McDonald]]. He was also second Chairman of the [[John Birch Society]], and President of Western Goals. McDonald was aboard [[Korean Airlines Flight 007]] when it was shot down by the evil God-hating Soviets in 1983.

== Personal conservatism ==
Because Conservatives often have strong political views, there can be a tendency to see conservatism as a purely political ideology. However, there is also a strong personal side to conservatism - being a conservative is as much about applying conservative values to one's everyday life as it is about campaigning and voting for conservative candidates. In general, conservatives can be characterized by a strong sense of mindless acceptance of dated [[morality]], a willingness to observe their culture's traditions and customs, while recognizing the inferiority of OTHER cultures traditions and costumes, and a desire to be respectable (superior) and to show due respect to other (Conservative) members of the community.

==History of American conservatism==

In the Beginning there was God. He created [[Everything]], and then turned some men into Conservatives, and gave them the holy duty of completely destroying the Liberals, created by Lucifer himself.

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